Fear...it gets in the way.

About three months before were to leave on our short term missions trip a fire broke out in the prison in Tegucigalpa. Over 200 dead, and many missing. We were faced with a decision...to go or not to go. Now, if you were a prisoner and you escaped because there was a fire...would you hang around the city or head for the  nearest border? I know if it were me, I sure wouldn't be hanging around town. I'd be on the fastest train out of there. No way would I want to hang around, get caught and go back to jail!

When my husband Dale told me that he was considering canceling it, my heart sank and disappointment settled in like a cold, dark morning. I questioned God and his plan in all this.
In the end after much prayer and seeking the Lord, the trip was still on!
However a number of people backed out so our team was not as large as it once was. For some of them I think there was a little fear due to the prison fire but,
I believe though that it was all a God thing. He knew who was suppose to go and who was suppose to stay home this time.

When we arrived at our accomodations and saw the bunk house...there would not have been room for everyone that had originally planned on going. I know that alternative plans would have been made to make room for everyone but I thought that was kind of cool! God worked out even the smallest details and he knew ahead of time how many bunks there were and how many chairs would fit around the table at meal time.

Shortly after we arrived and we discussed our itineray we were informed that all of us would be speaking at some point in the church service on the Sunday. Now those of you who know me, know that I am quiet.  I have never felt that God has gifted me with the gift of public speaking. This is sad, but in all the years my husband and I have been in ministry, I have only spoken one time in front of people. It was at a WM meeting a few years ago in another town, and I shared the story of our kids adoption.  Fear stood in my way I guess...not knowing what to say, fear of not having the right words or messing up, being tongue tied. Fear of having all eyes on me, of sounding stupid, looking fat..the list goes on and on... It has never been that I never wanted to...I did but was afraid.  Especially in the early years of our ministry. If only I had trusted Him to help me and let Him be my strength! I wonder how many times He wanted to use me but maybe couldn't because fear and insecurity got in the way.
Fear is so debilitating!

It says in Isaiah 30:18 that the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help.
Isaiah 41:10 Don't be afraid for I am with you. Don't be discouraged for I am your God. I WILL strengthen you and I WILL help you. I WILL uphold you with my victorious right hand.
 Phil.4:13 I can do ALL things through Him who gives me the strength.

I remember one time a few months ago in a service in my home church in Stratford, I strongly felt God telling me to go up to the front and share my testimony of healing...but did I listen, did I obey?
No, I quietly sat in my seat and the moment passed...
James 4:17 says that it is a sin to know what you ought to do and not do it...and so I confess, I sinned against the Lord and against my church family that Sunday. Who knows who was in the service that Sunday that maybe needed to hear what I so desperately wanted to share.
Fear.


This time, in Honduras, I felt that He wanted me to share it again...
That Sunday came and I clammed up again!  I was the first in line to talk and kept my testimony of how I came to know the Lord very brief..maybe two sentences. .However when Wed. rolled around and we were called upon to share in more detail, I shared the testimony of how He healed me when I was but a little child...I didn't share all the details,  but the fact is Jesus healed me and He deserves the glory for it!
But the story of my healing will follow on another day!