The diagnosis

I was 21 years old when I was diagnosed; when I learned the truth. IT now had a name. There was nothing that could change it. Things were not going to improve. In fact over time it would increasingly get worse. There was no cure- nothing they could do to stop it. It's course unpredictable.
Neurofibromatosis.

The news penetrated my heart. It devastated me. I remember crying in the car on the way home. I felt hideous. I was a freak; a monster. My self esteem hit an all time low.
It didn't help matters any when a good friend after I shared with her my results commented " I hope you never plan on having kids" She went on to tell me that that child would have a fifty percent chance of having it too.
And I knew that. I definitely didn't need the reminder. I also knew how badly I wanted a family. Her careless words crushed me.

I remember also thinking that no one would ever want me; not with this horrible NF.
Countless times I would pray and ask the Lord "why?"
At church whenever they called people to the front for prayer for those who wanted to be healed, I would go forward to the front. I knew and believed He could heal me. Yet, I would walk away. Unchanged. Discouraged.

That was a long time ago. Over twenty years have passed. Half a life time ago.
Over the years it has progressed somewhat. From time to time I still struggle with the insecurity because of it. Once in a while it gets me down. I wish it would go away and that there would be a cure.
However, I think for the most part my outlook has changed. I may have NF but it does not have me!
It doesn't keep me from loving life! I would love to be free from it.....but I have to believe that there is a reason for it. I may never know that reason this side of heaven. I do know though that I will have my healing there for sure!

When I am feeling down about it I am always reminded of the verse that says "My grace is sufficient" It's like God whispers these words to my heart; and I know they are true.
2 Corinthians 12:8, 9a
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time He said "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

All of us will face trials.  It's a part of life. None of can go through life unscathed, not touched by some sort of tragedy or illness, disappointments or hard times. I don't know the reason for them or why they are allowed, but I do know this...
We don't have to face them alone. Jesus never fails. He never leaves us or abandons us. He is our safe place; our shelter.  No matter where we go or what we go through, what mountains we have to climb, we can trust our lives to Him. He loves us unconditionally and everlasting.

I have shared this verse before but it is a favorite of mine.
Lam 3:22
The faithful love of the Lord NEVER ends! His mercies NEVER cease. Great is His faithfulness. His mercies begin afresh each morning.

I have seen His faithfulness in different areas of my life over the years. To name a few.. I was healed from epilepsy at 6 years old. God brought me through a ten year long battle with an eating disorder, he healed my Dad from cancer.
I did get married to an amazing man, and while we were not able to have kids of our own, He blessed us more than abundantly with three kids through adoption!
Now He has on this journey to Honduras, and He is doing a work in all of us to prepare us to go. He is with us each step of the way!

http://youtu.be/R4qPceadBMU