A week of farewells

The past week we have been saying our goodbyes.

One week ago today, my family ( mom's side) had a reunion in Woodstock, where we said goodbye to my aunts, one uncle and cousins, spouses and their children. It was suppose to rain all day, and though it was overcast, the rain held off. It was wonderful to catch up with everyone that we haven't seen in a while.  My aunt Caroline was there and I hardly recognized her. She has lost 160 pounds. One of my cousins was there with a new fiancé.  It was so good to meet his perfect match, his "Proverbs 31" woman.
( my cousin and I)

On Sunday we had our farewell to Bethel. I think I have said before how much we are going to miss our church family.  Bethel was home for the past five and a half years. It was been a wonderful part of our journey, the connections and friendships made will be cherished forever.  It is sad to say goodbye to that part of our lives, but at the same time there is excitement at the road ahead.
I will say one thing about this journey we are on. Before this began I would never in a million years get up and talk in front of people.  No way. Definitely not my cup of tea. I was too shy, too tongue tied, too nervous. But God is helping me overcome that. I am still nervous, still maybe don't say all that I want, all that is on my heart, but he is giving me the grace and the strength and it each time it is a little easier. So, nothing is impossible.

Some of the special people to me personally..

 

 

On Monday our daughter Elisa had her grade 6 graduation. She looked so beautiful in her pretty gown. So grown up. So ready to face what lies ahead of her. There were a few tears for her as she said goodbye to her friends.
Most gut wrenching was the following day when she and her closest friend went out for dinner following her friends grad. They said goodbye on our front step, both of them clinging to each other for dear life and sobbing. It tore my heart in two to watch them in so much pain. So much heart ache.
I know though that even while we may be moving far, far away, the two of them have a friendship that will endure for their life time. That's how special of a connection they have. Friends for life.

Wednesday we said goodbye to our remaining pet; Taffy.
Her new owner came and picked her up, and Taffy will have a good home the rest of her life. But how I cried when she pulled away. We had her since Jake was 6 years old. She was the cat the Jake prayed for as a young kid, knowing that Daddy did not ever want a cat. Yet Daddy was the one who brought Taffy home as a little kitten. It was hard to let her go, knowing we would never see her again.

 

 

 

Thursday was our kids final day of school.
It was also my last day of daycare in my home. I am going to miss these kids so much. They have brought much happiness and laughter to my life. Next time I see them I won't recognize them I am sure. The past 5 years have been rewarding and I really enjoyed my job most of the time.

 

 

 

 

Friday was the day.  The day we loaded what remained of our belongings and loaded them in the back of a small uhaul trailer. It was surreal walking through the empty house, my heart flooded with memories of days gone by. It almost didn't seem possible that this time we would not be returning. This was not some vacation we were packing for...this was the real deal.

 

We are now living in a comfortable three bedroom apartment in a church. As I write this I am sitting in the café in the lobby of the church because our Wifi in the apartment has not yet been connected. This church has an amazing library that I can't wait to check out in the morning and maybe borrow two or three books.

This afternoon we have Dale's family farewell. It is being held here in the church gym; where once again we say goodbye to his close knit family.

It is going to be a busy three weeks, as we have much to do before we fly out on July 18th.
I know though that God will help all our plans fall into place so that we are ready to go when that day arrives. He will be with us each step of the way, just like he has so far.

It's for real now!

Filled with memories of yesterday, the empty rooms of our house echo.

In less than one weeks time, we will load up van with our seven hockey bags and leave the home we have lived in for the past 5 amazing years. Our kids have basically grown up here. They have skateboarded on the street, rode their bikes and ran around with their neighbourhood friends, caught the bus to school.  All of that is coming to an end. There will be no more visiting with our wonderful neighbours, no more gardening for Dale, no more walks around the neighbourhood for me.

If the walls could talk, oh the stories they would tell. The joys, the struggles, changes worries, cares. The battles fought and won and many answered prayers within these walls.

On Friday we will pull away from our house  and drive down Wooton Ct. one final time and begin the drive into our future.

We received the official word late last week that we had reached the percentage needed in our budget where we could purchase our tickets.
There was much rejoicing in the house that day let me tell you!

And yet...

While we know this is the path that God has on from the moment he first breathed it into our hearts- it is still difficult.
Our hearts ache at the thought of goodbye.
Tomorrow morning is our final service at Bethel Church and tonight as I write this, my heart is heavy. Tears have fallen.
Part of me wants to hang on and not let go....not leave this precious church family that we have come to know and love. And how we love Bethel.

Tomorrow marks the end of a story. It's for real now. A new story begins!

 

 

 

 

A life lesson along the way

The other day I had an unexpected chat with one of Ben's friends rumoured to be a "bad" influence. He showed up at the house skateboard in hand wondering if Ben could come out.  At the time we were looking for a home for Taffy. I jokingly asked him if he wanted a cat...maybe talk to his mom about it. That is when he told me his mom died 8 years ago of cancer when he was 6 years old and his older brother walked out on the family. The older brother that he once looked up to, never calls and never comes for a visit. Wow! I felt so bad...Did I ever put my foot in my mouth that time. He sounded so sad when he said it. "it's just me and my dad" he told me, his voice flat.

 I can't imagine so much brokenness at such a young age. It was all I could do not to give that kid a hug.  I probably would have freaked him out though!  Hopefully between now and the time we leave we can reach out to this boy...show him the love of Christ , maybe even have him in for a BBQ. I have to admit I felt so convicted because before I even talked to him I had judged him . I had heard things.  I told Ben not to hang around him... to stay away...before I even actually met him and got to know him as a person. Perhaps he does have some "issues" but who having gone through all that wouldn't? His entire world was turned upside down at 6 years old!  In that moment I didn't see him as the boy I had him labelled as...I saw a young boy with sad eyes and a heart full of pain.
That day God put his finger on some things in my life  that were not pretty; things that were not pleasing to him. In that moment I saw things in myself that I didn't like. I felt ashamed of myself and I vowed to try and change with God`s help.
Who of us doesn't struggle with something? Maybe there are people that we don't like or we think we can`t get along with, people we avoid or have a grievance against.  Let's try and make things right. Life is too short to waste holding grudges.  Let's forgive because in forgiving it is us that become free!
We all have a story; each and every one. The cashier in the grocery store, the single mom trying to make ends meet, the girl pouring your coffee at Tim Hortons, the man who walks down the street talking to himself...Regardless of our story...God's love is huge! He made us in his image. He loves all of us with a love we cannot even fathom. If we would but turn to him and allow him to change us from the inside out..

 

Feeding program....it's begun!

This morning I was sitting in church and it hit me....just four more Sundays including today and we  are finished this chapter in our lives. It's hard to believe we are saying goodbye so soon, when in some ways it seems like we just arrived. We love our amazing church family! God has so richly blessed us here in Stratford in so many ways.
I've mentioned before about all the mixed emotions; because as extremely difficult as it is going to be to say goodbye...we are anxious to get started in Honduras.

The in school feeding program (ISFP) has already begun in Tegucigalpa. We have seen the photos that Randy and Judy have posted and how our hearts long to be there...and we will be soon!

To see the radiant smiles on these children's faces and knowing the hope this program is bringing makes it worth it all. They look so happy! Their hungry bellies are being filled.  They are receiving a portion controlled protein rich drink in the morning and a high protein lunch in the afternoon. I am sure because of Erdo ( Emergency Relief and Development Overseas) coming into these schools and offering this program, that school attendance will increase. If you were hungry and you knew at school you would be fed, wouldn't you want to go to school?  Would school not be something you looked forward to each morning when you awoke? Also as a parent would you not want to ensure your child was there?  If they are nourished they will be able to focus and concentrate better on their studies than they would if they are coming to school hungry. Grades should increase. What a positive change the in school feeding program is bringing to these children! Our family looks forward to being a part of it. Though we don't have an exact date yet for when we can depart...we should have one nailed down soon. As you know, our goal is the end of July.

Matthew 25:37-40

The Message (MSG)

^37-40 “Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’

 

 

Everything is changing

Today I feel like I am coming undone. I need to step back and take a deep breath and pray. My emotions are getting the best of me I think.
Changes are happening and they are happening fast.

I was feeling frustrated this morning with the little daycare girl who refused to listen. Heading to the park, she would not sit in the wagon. Instead she sat on the outside edge of the wagon. If she happened to lean back, she would fall to the ground and be hurt. I repeatedly put her back in the wagon.
At one time I looked behind me and she was doing some sort of yoga like pose. Her little right food and right arm on the floor of the wagon and her left arm and leg extended high in the air....while I am pulling the wagon! I wanted to pull my hair out but she thought it was great fun.
Then when we arrived back at the house and it was time to put her on the potty, I discovered that she messed her pants. My goodness. I could have cried! Oh how she tried my patience today!

But, you know what?  Even though sometimes the kids have bad days, ( who of us does not!) days where they don't listen or do the opposite of what you want, I am going to miss them. Each and every one.
I spend five days a week with them and the good times far out weigh the days where I can't wait for them to go home and the day to be over.
They are hilarious and make me laugh, and smile. I love watching them change and grow, try new things and accomplish them. They love to do crafts and show them off to their mommies. They all have a place in my heart.

I was taking apart the play house today and was flooded with memories of when we bought that cute house and how much the children have enjoyed playing in it. Now it sits in pieces in my basement ready to go to a new home where I am sure the kids there will enjoy it just as much,

Little by little our home is emptying out as we sell and clear out our home even more.
We have to be out the end of June as after listing it on Kijiji and being inundated with calls...we rented it out for the first of July.  I am finished with my home based daycare on June 27.

As of July 1st we will be living in Kitchener. We have a three bedroom apt we will be staying in until we leave for Honduras. Our goal is July 25th.

Reality is hitting home. We really don't have a lot of time left. Yet when I look around my house I see so much that needs to be done and taken care of. I would be lying if I said that it didn't stress me out a little.

There are goodbyes that I don't want to happen.
Family...that goes without saying. They will no longer be a half hour drive away.
The daycare kids, my friend Kathy that comes over once a week for coffee and prayer, Katherine who I text or talk to several times a week, my Tuesday nights with Deana, Grace...all of our walks over the past five years, my neighbours, my wonderful church family, and my sweet fur babies. But I know that final coffee, final text message, final walk around the neighbourhood will happen...it's only a matter of time now that we have to say "Goodbye"

Just the other day Elisa was crying at the thought of not seeing her friends anymore. She got off the phone with Caelyn and said through her tears "Mommy, I am going to miss her so much. I am never going to get to hang out with her or go to the mall with her. I am not going to see her anymore"
It broke my heart to hear her raw emotions.

In the month ahead, I know that all of us are going to have days where we are sad, days where we will fly off the handle (me!) There will be days where we feel frustrated, sad, angry, disappointed and  discouraged or stressed. At the same time excited and a bit scared! There will be days where we feel our emotions swirling around inside as we turn the page and begin a new chapter.

A month or ago so I read this in my devotional.
"No desire will ever be placed in you by the Holy Spirit unless he intends to fulfill it. So let your faith rise up and soar away to claim all the land you can discover" S.A. Keen.

See, God hasn't brought us this far to leave us! He is still in control and He will be with us each step of the way. Of that I have no doubt.
Even though we may be dealing with different emotions...it doesn't change the fact that Honduras is exactly where we are meant to be. All of us are on the same page with that. We still are very much excited to go!

Gen 13:14-15
Lift up your eyes from where you are and look to the north, the south, the east and west. All the land you see I will give to you.

 

 

Decluttering

Reality hit close to home this past Friday. Furniture that we bought when we purchased our first home over fifteen years ago sat in a trailer on the back of our van and we hauled it off to the dump.
It took two trips. Some of it was junk that had piled up in the shed forgotten about...like an old  rusty swing set that our kids long ago stopped playing on.

In one way I was kind of relieved to see it all go. Over the years the cats have destroyed the furniture. Shredded to pieces and stuffing popping out everywhere; none of it was fit to donate to anyone. Not to mention the fact that the animals had also peed on it. Nasty.

It's amazing how much "stuff" can accumulate over the years. I have always been one to go through my clothes and donate items I no longer want or need on a regular basis. In fact it has often happened where I have gone to wear something and realized I had given it away!  On the other hand I love shopping for clothes, so also replaced what I gave away! It's a never ending cycle. I eventually came up with a system though; that if I bought a new shirt or pair of jeans, I gave away one already in my closet. So basically one in...one out!  However once again, I found myself going through my clothes and getting rid of what I won't need or use in Honduras. I mean really how many flannel pj bottoms will I possibly need?

My children are doing the same thing as I write this.  Their rooms have never been so spotless.
We now have about six boxes of stuff by our front door to be donated to a charity that is coming by tomorrow and we aren't finished yet!
We are also selling some things and using that money towards our journey.

Things here at Stratford are quickly coming to an end. It's sad to be wrapping things up. We are going to miss our church family and friends so much and it's going to be painful to say goodbye. Stratford has been amazing, and we have so many wonderful memories here.
We now have an end date.  June 23rd will be our last Sunday at Bethel Church. It was announced this morning. That's only eight more Sundays! A lot of tears are going to be shed that day.  Hopefully we can hold ourselves together. It really is bitter sweet...sad to be leaving but at the same time excited and anticipating what lies ahead.

Please pray for us that we are able to raise the financial support we need to get on the field the end of July.  That is our goal. This way our children can begin school in August when it starts. We have had many promises but until our sending agency actually sees it in the account...we can't go. There has to be proof that the money is there or that it will be. The last thing we want is to get there and have to come home for lack of funds..
If you would like to be a part of our support team, that would be so appreciated.  No amount is too small, and every amount helps us get there and helps with the work we will be doing in the Schools of hope, and will be investing in the lives of over 1500 children.

Blessings!

http://paoc.org/donate?mID=488

The diagnosis

I was 21 years old when I was diagnosed; when I learned the truth. IT now had a name. There was nothing that could change it. Things were not going to improve. In fact over time it would increasingly get worse. There was no cure- nothing they could do to stop it. It's course unpredictable.
Neurofibromatosis.

The news penetrated my heart. It devastated me. I remember crying in the car on the way home. I felt hideous. I was a freak; a monster. My self esteem hit an all time low.
It didn't help matters any when a good friend after I shared with her my results commented " I hope you never plan on having kids" She went on to tell me that that child would have a fifty percent chance of having it too.
And I knew that. I definitely didn't need the reminder. I also knew how badly I wanted a family. Her careless words crushed me.

I remember also thinking that no one would ever want me; not with this horrible NF.
Countless times I would pray and ask the Lord "why?"
At church whenever they called people to the front for prayer for those who wanted to be healed, I would go forward to the front. I knew and believed He could heal me. Yet, I would walk away. Unchanged. Discouraged.

That was a long time ago. Over twenty years have passed. Half a life time ago.
Over the years it has progressed somewhat. From time to time I still struggle with the insecurity because of it. Once in a while it gets me down. I wish it would go away and that there would be a cure.
However, I think for the most part my outlook has changed. I may have NF but it does not have me!
It doesn't keep me from loving life! I would love to be free from it.....but I have to believe that there is a reason for it. I may never know that reason this side of heaven. I do know though that I will have my healing there for sure!

When I am feeling down about it I am always reminded of the verse that says "My grace is sufficient" It's like God whispers these words to my heart; and I know they are true.
2 Corinthians 12:8, 9a
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time He said "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

All of us will face trials.  It's a part of life. None of can go through life unscathed, not touched by some sort of tragedy or illness, disappointments or hard times. I don't know the reason for them or why they are allowed, but I do know this...
We don't have to face them alone. Jesus never fails. He never leaves us or abandons us. He is our safe place; our shelter.  No matter where we go or what we go through, what mountains we have to climb, we can trust our lives to Him. He loves us unconditionally and everlasting.

I have shared this verse before but it is a favorite of mine.
Lam 3:22
The faithful love of the Lord NEVER ends! His mercies NEVER cease. Great is His faithfulness. His mercies begin afresh each morning.

I have seen His faithfulness in different areas of my life over the years. To name a few.. I was healed from epilepsy at 6 years old. God brought me through a ten year long battle with an eating disorder, he healed my Dad from cancer.
I did get married to an amazing man, and while we were not able to have kids of our own, He blessed us more than abundantly with three kids through adoption!
Now He has on this journey to Honduras, and He is doing a work in all of us to prepare us to go. He is with us each step of the way!

http://youtu.be/R4qPceadBMU