The Journey Continues...Segue

The past nine days we have been at "Segue" which basically means the transitioning from one situation to another.
We had several sessions a day training us in Child Care Plus, cultural differences, creative writing, funding our ministries, media and other things.
Our afternoons were filled with one on one meetings with leaders, discussing estate planning, intercession, and further courses we need to take. They all wanted to hear our hearts and our stories.
It was an exhausting and yet amazing experience, connecting and making friendships with other global workers who are headed off to other countries. We felt further confirmation of our "call"

We also had hands on experience on a trip to Toronto's China Town. It was like stepping into another world; where the sights and smells were like nothing I have ever experienced before.
We we were to find some fruit we had never seen before and inquire as to what it was and how to prepare it. Simple, right?
Not exactly. For me it was the most stressful part of the day, because it seemed, in this part of Toronto no one spoke English. This is Canada...one would assume that everyone would speak the main language of the country. Not so.
It seemed impossible to communicate with anyone. Though I was with my family, I felt stressed, alone and even a bit emotional, almost to the point of tears.

Later on we met with all the other global workers at an Ethiopian restaurant. We were served a platter of spicy meat and vegetables served on teff bread, ate with our fingers and fed one another. Dinner was followed by Ethiopian coffee; a must try for any coffee lover.

The highlight of the week at Segue was when Ben, our middle child stood at the front of the auditorium.  He told everyone that when he first was told we were going to Honduras, he absolutely hated the idea, but now he wanted to go. You need to know my son Ben loves snowboarding and basically everything about winter. Really out of all of us, he is sacrificing the most to go. So to hear him proclaim that to everyone, it was all I could do to hold back the sobs and the tears from streaming down my face. Tears of joy. This was the cry of our heart from the beginning of this journey.
The journey to hope.

Another chapter comes to a close...losing Maddie

We lost our dog on Friday. I hesitate to write this now; when the pain is still very real and emotions are raw.
It doesn't take long for people to realize that I have a soft spot for animals. One only has to look at my facebook page and see the many photos of our pets to know that.

When we first knew we would be leaving for Honduras, my thoughts also turned to what would we do with our dog?  She was older, we had had her for 11 years and she was atleast a year when we adopted her. She had arthritis and was also deaf. I knew she would never make the trip. The flight alone would have probably done her in. I asked my parents but knew it wasn't fair to ask them, as they could never give her the care she needed on a full time basis.

I began to pray about it.."God, if Maddie can't come with us to Honduras, then please just take her peacefully in her sleep before we go" I didn't want to have to put her down before it was time; before she or we were ready. I so wanted her to come with us to Honduras, but knew in my heart of hearts it was not realistic.

Looking back it was shortly after returning from Honduras that Maddie began to decline somewhat.
In early June I took Maddie to the vet because she was very lethargic, and not herself. She was "napping" in the weirdest places, like under the kitchen table instead of her bed...Although she still had her appetite!
It was at this vet appointment that the vet detected something new. Maddie was in heart failure.
I mentioned to the vet about us moving to Honduras and she said "Maddie is not a good candidate for that"
I asked her how much time she thought Maddie had left and was told the last dog she had seen with this lasted three months before passing. "It's like sudden death"
The news was sobering.

After that Maddie seemed somewhat alright. Dale had even commented that he didn't think the vet was right and maybe she just had a virus or something. He didn't think there was really anything wrong with her heart.
She still struggled with her arthritis but managed ok with the help of duralacin shipped from a friend in the states and her glucosomine.
Yet she did need help getting up and down the stairs and off of the furniture. She was a bit too crippled up to do those things on her own.
Most of the time she slept on her bed under the end table in the living room. It was like her little cave.
One night she was sleeping on the couch comfortably in the family room. So when we went to bed we let her be; not wanting to disturb her.
The next morning I slept in til 6:30, (if you can call it that--normally I am up way before 6:30.) I heard her walking up the wooden stairs. She had jumped off the couch on her own.
When she did this she damaged her front paw somehow. It just kind of hung there all limp like. It was weird because it didn't seem to hurt her when we touched it. We later found out that it wasn't broken but there was nerve damage there.
The following day I was sick and laying on the couch in the family room. I saw Maddie standing at the top of the stairs and I knew she wanted down to be with me. That's how she was; always wanting to be where her family was.
I called for her to "wait!" But it was too late- down those wooden stairs she fell and more less flew across the floor landing on her side. I remember crying "Maddie, why didn't you wait for me?"
I think that was the final straw. We don't know how much damage she did internally.
After that she moved even more slowly- taking a few steps and then just laying down, not even bothering with her comfortable bed. She couldn't manage to walk there. She had also collapsed three times on us that week. She would just lay there on the kitchen floor and we would pick her up and put her on her bed.
The last two days she was with us, we put her on our bed with us at night. When she was younger she always slept at the foot of the bed until she could no longer get on and off by herself.

That last morning when Dale helped her off the bed she cried in pain when he picked her up. He put her outside and it seemed to take forever for her to find a place to go. She hobbled slowly along and finally went. Then rather than coming back to the house she just laid down in the grass. Dale brought her in and fed her and she ate and then laid down again, her head in her bowl. I lost it at the point. I knew we were losing her and it hurt so much to see her suffer. I knew she was hurting bad. I was so hoping that she would come around in the morning and we wouldn't have to take her in but instead she was worse. Dale picked her up and set her on bed in the living room.
All that final day she lay around -once in a while getting up to eat and go outside. She had her favorite treats that day; yogurt, cheese and ice cream, never losing her appetite even in her final moments.
I was happy and blessed to have a lot of time alone with her on her last day. Just her and I saying our goodbyes before Dale came and we took her on one final trip to the vet.

I know all along I had been saying when the time comes I didn't want to make that decision. With everything in me I prayed that when it was her time she would just go peacefully in her sleep. But it didn't happen that way.
Reflecting back though, I am so thankful it didn't .  God reminded me of something.  If Maddie had simply passed in her sleep, we wouldn't have had the chance to say our goodbyes and she would have died alone. Instead we were with her right until the very end and we had a chance to say goodbye.
The timing of it all is ironic.
In a couple weeks we are headed off to Peterborough for missions training. For the duration of that week we had previously arranged for my parents to take care of Maddie. They loved having her and Maddie loved being there. They spoiled her rotten!
However with their sunken in living room and deck to get off of to go outside, we were concerned about how Maddie would fare there this time.  My parents were afraid to pick her up to help her down for fear of hurting her...so what would she do?
I believe God knew all this and knew how we would worry about her- knew how difficult it would be for my parents to deal with her, and how hard it would be on Maddie to get around.
Now, we don't need to worry about any of that. There is no longer any worry about what will happen to Maddie when we go to Honduras.  Much as our hearts are broken and the pain is intense, we have the memories to treasure forever.. Maddie was old, weak and tired and the last couple days we knew she wanted to go. It was her time. We wanted more time with her, but it wasn't meant to be I guess.

It is going to be difficult without her as we see her shadow everywhere, and miss the littlest of things- her snoring, nails clicking on the floors, her under my feet in the kitchen, her pleading brown eyes looking up at me...no more almost empty yogurt containers for her to clean out...the list goes on and on..
I know God will give us the strength to get through the days ahead and He is even now. I know as painful as it is, it's part of our journey to Honduras. I am sure I will have my moments when the memories of her overwhelm me and I just break down, it's happened alot today actually...but I also know it will get easier.
I know I can trust God with our future as He works out His plan for our lives. It won't come without pain or hardship, but He will be there for us giving us strength.

Ps 34:18
The Lord is close to the broken hearted and he rescues thoses whose spirits are crushed.


Lamentations 3:20-23
I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: the faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness. His mercies begin a fresh each morning.

Heart Stirrings

It was during a missions service one evening at the church I grew up in; Calvary Pentecostal in Woodstock Ontario. The Keddy's were speaking and I was so stirred in my spirit. I knew one day I wanted to go. I guess that is when I first felt the "call" I would have been around twenty at the time.
I actually did have an opportunity to go to Africa one time. All I really had to do was find a way there. But then life happened. I met Dale!
However, I think it is something that both of us have always felt we would do someday. Maybe when the kids were grown, out of school, on their own.
Yet, now is the time!
It was this past fall during my quiet times/devotions that I began to sense a change was coming. I really felt as though God was telling me that we would be going on the mission field full time.
I kept it to myself for a while. I didn't tell Dale. I "put my fleece out" and told the Lord, "Ok God, if this is truly of You, then You need to tell Dale the same thing." Sometimes I struggle with truly knowing if it is God or my emotions talking to me..
I did tell my friend Deana though how I was feeling over coffee one night. I told her I had a sense that Bethel would be our last church and that I thought we would be going on the missions field.
Around the same time, several people were approaching Dale telling him that he would be a great lead pastor. A similar comment was also made by the regional director and if Dale wanted to put his name out there, let him know and they would help him find a church.
Flattering as that was, my husband has always said he would be ALWAYS be a children's pastor. That's where his heart is.
He was unsure about how he felt about it all, and he really didn't think it was something he wanted to pursue.
As for me, it created some confusion in my heart. Perhaps a little disappointment too. Not that I didn't think my husband would make a great lead pastor- but if that truly was the path God was leading him on, then what I 'thought' I heard must have been in my head.
Don't get me wrong. The idea of moving to a foreign country scared me to death. It still does! The thought of leaving all the we know here, the amazing life that we have come to love, our aging parents, friends, our beloved beagle Maddie whom we have had for 11 years now. It made me sad.
Not to mention the cultural differences, trying to find a home to live in, a school for the children. The list goes on, but those three things are pretty much at the top.
When we decided to do a short term missions trip to Honduras, I think part of me knew that it wasn't going to end at the end of our short term trip, that it would end up being something bigger. I felt it in the depths of my heart and it terrified me...yet excited me too. Hard to explain. I just knew that if God wanted us to go then we definitely had to go!
One evening when the girls on the team retired to our bunk room for the evening, I wrote this in my journal..
" Standing in the play area of the school, overlooking the city I felt so overwhelmed. Almost like God was saying " how can you think of leaving?" I am afraid to write what I am really feeling- but I sense that what we did today is what Dale and I will be doing and we are going to be here some day."
then on our last day in Honduras, I wrote,,,
"My heart is here in Honduras...One day I'll return"

The Healing

Back when I was a small child I suffered from epilepsy.
There were times when I would wake up in the hospital having no recollection of how I got there. Every time the answer was the same. "You had a convulsion"

I don't remember having them but I do recall one time being told that I had been playing at the school playground with some neighbourhood friends. I had a spell and had fallen off the monkey bars.
The school was just a few doors down from our home and one of my friends ran told my mom that I had fallen and wouldn't get up.
Now a days a parent would never send a child that young to play in the park without adult supervision. I guess times were different back then. It didn't seem to be that big of a deal. Maybe because I was with three or four other friends.
Anyway, when I came to, I was in the hospital.

One time it was a Sunday morning, and I distinctly remember asking the Dr. what day it was. When he told me it was Sunday I told him " Well, you had better let me out of here. I have to go to church!"
When I was a little girl, I truly loved Jesus with all my heart. I loved going to church and loved learning about him, and loved the worship part of the service.

Back then our church had an evening service that we always went to. On Sunday night there was a huge snow storm. My church at the time, ( Hiway Pentecostal) in Ingersoll had, had a special speaker there in the morning. Due to the storm he was stranded and unable to make his next speaking engagement. So, our pastor invited him to speak in the evening service.

He spoke on healing and I don't recall any of his message but I do know that with all my heart I sure didn't want to have epilepsy anymore. I heard that Jesus would heal me! I didn't have to have it anymore..I wanted that!
When the speaker called people up to the front that wanted to be healed, you can be sure I went forward. I believed with all my 6 year old little heart that Jesus would make me all better!
I was standing beside a friend at the time and the minister laid hands on both of us at the same time.
His prayer went something like this.."Father we pray for this brother and sister.." He didn't get to finish because I interrupted him and said."He is not my brother" I know now that wasn't what he meant.:-0)
Anyway, I didn't question if I was healed or not. I didn't go home thinking that "I sure hope I was healed!..or maybe He healed me" No, I simply believed with all my heart that He healed me; no doubt whatsoever. I don't think the thought crossed my mind that it might not happen. Oh to have that child like faith today! No seeds of doubt planted in my heart.

The next morning came and my mom had my pills set aside for me to take. I was on dilantin and phenobarb. I told her "I don't need those pills anymore, Jesus healed me!"
My mom was very concerned and still wanted me to take them. Now that I am a mom I totally get that thinking..I might be the same way actually if I were in her shoes. She was afraid of something happening; worried about her little girl having yet another seizure.
My dad has always been rather calm, easy going and relaxed; not so high strung, and he calmed her down. "Just wait and see"
I think he didn't want to destroy the faith that I had at 6 years old.

Still, a phone call was made to my teacher that morning, to explain the situation of me going to school without being medicated. My teacher was a christian though so she would have understood about divine healing. Basically she asked my teacher to keep an eye on me just in case.
Interesting enough, my teachers sister, up until recently attended our church today here in Stratford! ( Mrs Thompson)

Well, from that snowy winters eve on, I never again took another pill for epilepsy and I never again had another seizure! Completely healed!

James 5:16
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

Matthew 17:20
"You don't have enough faith" Jesus told them. " I tell you the truth,if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain. Move from here to there, and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.

Survival mode

Dumpsters on the side of the road - a familiar scene. Most of them have people walking through them in search of something of value to sell to make a little money. It's one of the saddest sights I have ever seen.

Imagine if that was your life - a life of poverty.
Rummaging through garbage to find something-anything worth selling to help provide for yourself or your family. What if that were your means of survival, a daily routine? How would  you cope?

If your income was $1 or $2 a day or less, how would you survive ?
How would you provide for your family on such meager wages? Would your heart not long for more..? A comfortable home, food on the table, clothing and not to mention an education for your children?
All the things we take for granted here.
These people are destitute, they have nothing; and it's all about surviving.Taking what you need to live, to help your family.
I remember the children living in the mountains outside of Tegucigalpa.  In the area we were in, three schools were in close vicinity. If it had been safe to, we could have walked from one to the other.
Between these three schools, 1088 children were in attendance. This number does not include the babies, toddlers or children who's parents for whatever reason did not send their children to school.
Many of these kids have never been off the mountain. They have never been to the city. All they know is the life they live...poverty, despair and hopelessness. I have heard that in these mountain areas, physical and sexual abuse runs rampant. Can you imagine if that was all you knew?
In most cases children in public schools only go to grade 6.  After that many of these children end up on the streets.

Is 58 :10
Feed the hungry, and help those who are in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon. The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength.

One day when we were in Honduras, we made bologna and frijole sandwiches and juice to and out to the street people; the homeless.
In these areas shoes were strung over hydro wires indicating we were in gang territory and drugs were available here. We saw money being raised up to a window by a rope and by that same rope, drugs being lowered to the street below.
We saw many prostitutes, and people addicted to drugs, and many with bottles of glue under their shirts, vacant eyes.
We went with Alvin who has a real ministry to these people. He was like Jesus with skin on. He knew their name, knew their story. He loved them for who they were, who they could be and where they were at.
They knew he loved them unconditionally and they loved him too. They called him Pappy.

I remember one young woman, I believe she was just 23 years old. She already had two children and was pregnant with her third. She was crippled, could barely walk and yet she had been a prostitute since she was 12 years old. A childhood robbed by the many men who used her and clouded by hopelessness and despair.
In that area a man could buy a woman for the entire night for $5.

Alvin introduced to another young girl; 14 years old. Her mother was a prostitute, her older sister was a prostitute. When she was a little girl she told Pappy Alvin that she would never do the things here mom and sister did, and yet there she was continuing the vicious cycle, her innocence long gone.
Her entire life, that was all she had ever known.

The time in the streets definitely had me out of my comfort zone. At times it was rather scary; especially for someone like me who has lived a rather sheltered life.
Yet inside I felt broken for them- the hopelessness of the situation- the seemingly no way out- no way to break free from the chains that bound them to this lifestyle.
But God!!

Jer 29:11, 12
"For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord. "they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In these days when you pray I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me and I will be found by you" says the Lord.

So I ask  you to pray for them. Pray that somehow through the acts of kindness and love, they come to truly know the Love of God, that it becomes not just head knowledge but that it is deeply rooted into their heart..and that they would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that through Him there IS hope- a way out of the darkness and the sin that entraps them. He can free them, transform and change them if they turn to Him.

Psalms 72:12-14
He will rescue the poor when they cry out to Him.  He will help the oppressed, who have no one to defend them. He feels pity for the weak and the needy and he will rescue them. He will redeem them from oppression and violence for their lives are precious to Him.

Fear...it gets in the way.

About three months before were to leave on our short term missions trip a fire broke out in the prison in Tegucigalpa. Over 200 dead, and many missing. We were faced with a decision...to go or not to go. Now, if you were a prisoner and you escaped because there was a fire...would you hang around the city or head for the  nearest border? I know if it were me, I sure wouldn't be hanging around town. I'd be on the fastest train out of there. No way would I want to hang around, get caught and go back to jail!

When my husband Dale told me that he was considering canceling it, my heart sank and disappointment settled in like a cold, dark morning. I questioned God and his plan in all this.
In the end after much prayer and seeking the Lord, the trip was still on!
However a number of people backed out so our team was not as large as it once was. For some of them I think there was a little fear due to the prison fire but,
I believe though that it was all a God thing. He knew who was suppose to go and who was suppose to stay home this time.

When we arrived at our accomodations and saw the bunk house...there would not have been room for everyone that had originally planned on going. I know that alternative plans would have been made to make room for everyone but I thought that was kind of cool! God worked out even the smallest details and he knew ahead of time how many bunks there were and how many chairs would fit around the table at meal time.

Shortly after we arrived and we discussed our itineray we were informed that all of us would be speaking at some point in the church service on the Sunday. Now those of you who know me, know that I am quiet.  I have never felt that God has gifted me with the gift of public speaking. This is sad, but in all the years my husband and I have been in ministry, I have only spoken one time in front of people. It was at a WM meeting a few years ago in another town, and I shared the story of our kids adoption.  Fear stood in my way I guess...not knowing what to say, fear of not having the right words or messing up, being tongue tied. Fear of having all eyes on me, of sounding stupid, looking fat..the list goes on and on... It has never been that I never wanted to...I did but was afraid.  Especially in the early years of our ministry. If only I had trusted Him to help me and let Him be my strength! I wonder how many times He wanted to use me but maybe couldn't because fear and insecurity got in the way.
Fear is so debilitating!

It says in Isaiah 30:18 that the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help.
Isaiah 41:10 Don't be afraid for I am with you. Don't be discouraged for I am your God. I WILL strengthen you and I WILL help you. I WILL uphold you with my victorious right hand.
 Phil.4:13 I can do ALL things through Him who gives me the strength.

I remember one time a few months ago in a service in my home church in Stratford, I strongly felt God telling me to go up to the front and share my testimony of healing...but did I listen, did I obey?
No, I quietly sat in my seat and the moment passed...
James 4:17 says that it is a sin to know what you ought to do and not do it...and so I confess, I sinned against the Lord and against my church family that Sunday. Who knows who was in the service that Sunday that maybe needed to hear what I so desperately wanted to share.
Fear.


This time, in Honduras, I felt that He wanted me to share it again...
That Sunday came and I clammed up again!  I was the first in line to talk and kept my testimony of how I came to know the Lord very brief..maybe two sentences. .However when Wed. rolled around and we were called upon to share in more detail, I shared the testimony of how He healed me when I was but a little child...I didn't share all the details,  but the fact is Jesus healed me and He deserves the glory for it!
But the story of my healing will follow on another day!

 

The journey to Honduras

It all began on a cruise for our 15th Wedding Anniversary in 2010.  One of the ports we stopped at was Roatan Honduras. We didn't book any excursions here. There was a beautiful beach we could relax at, but since we were stopped for a few hours  we decided to go on a tour. It didn't take long to find a driver who was willing to show us around. At first we were a little alarmed as the drive knew little if any English. Within a few minutes though he pulled over on the side of the road and picked up a young boy, who couldn't have been more than 12 years old. He spoke fluent English, and would be our guide for the drive.  We wondered why he would not be in school. He told he had this job during the day to help provide for his family; (a mom and sisters) and he went to school in the evening.

Nothing could have prepared me that day for the sites I saw. The tin shacks that people lived in,  little flimsy make shift houses smaller than our shed at home.I remember seeing the dirt floors through open doors, children running around barefoot, playing with garbage, people wandering around with buckets on their heads. So much poverty, people living with so little.
My heart broke for the moms of those children. I knew they wanted more for them, a better life..but where could they escape too? How could they change the future of their children, give them more than the nothing that they had? And the children? Did they have a hope for the future when that is the only life they knew?
I remember standing at a lookout point overlooking the valley below. Its beauty took my breath away. I remember saying to Dale " We have to come back here. I want to do a missions trip to Honduras some day"
 It broke my heart and throughout that tour, I cried. Cried for the needy, the lost, the people living without hope. The people of Honduras.



Meeting the Lundrigan's
One of the highlights of each summer is Braeside camp. This time we were not renting a cottage there. We did drive down for the evening, which just happened to be a missions service. Severel missionaries were there that night, with tables set up outside the church with various goods from the countries they were missionaries in.


One table in particular caught my eye as it held these beautiful hand made purses. If you know me, you know how much I love that sort of thing. When I stopped for a closer look, I saw they were from Honduras! The missionaries were Randy and Judy Lundrigan.


I don't remember if I introduced myself or not but I did mention how I had wanted to go there for so long! I took my seat in the sanctuary so excited to have some sort of connection to the land that was still on my heart. I told Dale who I had met and that I still wanted to do some sort of missions trip there and he said it was possible. Hope sprang a new at the thought that it could actually come to pass.


A short while later I looked them up on facebook and sent a message to Judy about a possible missions trip for our church. Then through severel emails back and forth between her and my husband a plan was made.

Proverbs 3:6
Seek His will in all you do and He will show you the path to take.






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