Heart Stirrings

It was during a missions service one evening at the church I grew up in; Calvary Pentecostal in Woodstock Ontario. The Keddy's were speaking and I was so stirred in my spirit. I knew one day I wanted to go. I guess that is when I first felt the "call" I would have been around twenty at the time.
I actually did have an opportunity to go to Africa one time. All I really had to do was find a way there. But then life happened. I met Dale!
However, I think it is something that both of us have always felt we would do someday. Maybe when the kids were grown, out of school, on their own.
Yet, now is the time!
It was this past fall during my quiet times/devotions that I began to sense a change was coming. I really felt as though God was telling me that we would be going on the mission field full time.
I kept it to myself for a while. I didn't tell Dale. I "put my fleece out" and told the Lord, "Ok God, if this is truly of You, then You need to tell Dale the same thing." Sometimes I struggle with truly knowing if it is God or my emotions talking to me..
I did tell my friend Deana though how I was feeling over coffee one night. I told her I had a sense that Bethel would be our last church and that I thought we would be going on the missions field.
Around the same time, several people were approaching Dale telling him that he would be a great lead pastor. A similar comment was also made by the regional director and if Dale wanted to put his name out there, let him know and they would help him find a church.
Flattering as that was, my husband has always said he would be ALWAYS be a children's pastor. That's where his heart is.
He was unsure about how he felt about it all, and he really didn't think it was something he wanted to pursue.
As for me, it created some confusion in my heart. Perhaps a little disappointment too. Not that I didn't think my husband would make a great lead pastor- but if that truly was the path God was leading him on, then what I 'thought' I heard must have been in my head.
Don't get me wrong. The idea of moving to a foreign country scared me to death. It still does! The thought of leaving all the we know here, the amazing life that we have come to love, our aging parents, friends, our beloved beagle Maddie whom we have had for 11 years now. It made me sad.
Not to mention the cultural differences, trying to find a home to live in, a school for the children. The list goes on, but those three things are pretty much at the top.
When we decided to do a short term missions trip to Honduras, I think part of me knew that it wasn't going to end at the end of our short term trip, that it would end up being something bigger. I felt it in the depths of my heart and it terrified me...yet excited me too. Hard to explain. I just knew that if God wanted us to go then we definitely had to go!
One evening when the girls on the team retired to our bunk room for the evening, I wrote this in my journal..
" Standing in the play area of the school, overlooking the city I felt so overwhelmed. Almost like God was saying " how can you think of leaving?" I am afraid to write what I am really feeling- but I sense that what we did today is what Dale and I will be doing and we are going to be here some day."
then on our last day in Honduras, I wrote,,,
"My heart is here in Honduras...One day I'll return"

The Healing

Back when I was a small child I suffered from epilepsy.
There were times when I would wake up in the hospital having no recollection of how I got there. Every time the answer was the same. "You had a convulsion"

I don't remember having them but I do recall one time being told that I had been playing at the school playground with some neighbourhood friends. I had a spell and had fallen off the monkey bars.
The school was just a few doors down from our home and one of my friends ran told my mom that I had fallen and wouldn't get up.
Now a days a parent would never send a child that young to play in the park without adult supervision. I guess times were different back then. It didn't seem to be that big of a deal. Maybe because I was with three or four other friends.
Anyway, when I came to, I was in the hospital.

One time it was a Sunday morning, and I distinctly remember asking the Dr. what day it was. When he told me it was Sunday I told him " Well, you had better let me out of here. I have to go to church!"
When I was a little girl, I truly loved Jesus with all my heart. I loved going to church and loved learning about him, and loved the worship part of the service.

Back then our church had an evening service that we always went to. On Sunday night there was a huge snow storm. My church at the time, ( Hiway Pentecostal) in Ingersoll had, had a special speaker there in the morning. Due to the storm he was stranded and unable to make his next speaking engagement. So, our pastor invited him to speak in the evening service.

He spoke on healing and I don't recall any of his message but I do know that with all my heart I sure didn't want to have epilepsy anymore. I heard that Jesus would heal me! I didn't have to have it anymore..I wanted that!
When the speaker called people up to the front that wanted to be healed, you can be sure I went forward. I believed with all my 6 year old little heart that Jesus would make me all better!
I was standing beside a friend at the time and the minister laid hands on both of us at the same time.
His prayer went something like this.."Father we pray for this brother and sister.." He didn't get to finish because I interrupted him and said."He is not my brother" I know now that wasn't what he meant.:-0)
Anyway, I didn't question if I was healed or not. I didn't go home thinking that "I sure hope I was healed!..or maybe He healed me" No, I simply believed with all my heart that He healed me; no doubt whatsoever. I don't think the thought crossed my mind that it might not happen. Oh to have that child like faith today! No seeds of doubt planted in my heart.

The next morning came and my mom had my pills set aside for me to take. I was on dilantin and phenobarb. I told her "I don't need those pills anymore, Jesus healed me!"
My mom was very concerned and still wanted me to take them. Now that I am a mom I totally get that thinking..I might be the same way actually if I were in her shoes. She was afraid of something happening; worried about her little girl having yet another seizure.
My dad has always been rather calm, easy going and relaxed; not so high strung, and he calmed her down. "Just wait and see"
I think he didn't want to destroy the faith that I had at 6 years old.

Still, a phone call was made to my teacher that morning, to explain the situation of me going to school without being medicated. My teacher was a christian though so she would have understood about divine healing. Basically she asked my teacher to keep an eye on me just in case.
Interesting enough, my teachers sister, up until recently attended our church today here in Stratford! ( Mrs Thompson)

Well, from that snowy winters eve on, I never again took another pill for epilepsy and I never again had another seizure! Completely healed!

James 5:16
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

Matthew 17:20
"You don't have enough faith" Jesus told them. " I tell you the truth,if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain. Move from here to there, and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.

Survival mode

Dumpsters on the side of the road - a familiar scene. Most of them have people walking through them in search of something of value to sell to make a little money. It's one of the saddest sights I have ever seen.

Imagine if that was your life - a life of poverty.
Rummaging through garbage to find something-anything worth selling to help provide for yourself or your family. What if that were your means of survival, a daily routine? How would  you cope?

If your income was $1 or $2 a day or less, how would you survive ?
How would you provide for your family on such meager wages? Would your heart not long for more..? A comfortable home, food on the table, clothing and not to mention an education for your children?
All the things we take for granted here.
These people are destitute, they have nothing; and it's all about surviving.Taking what you need to live, to help your family.
I remember the children living in the mountains outside of Tegucigalpa.  In the area we were in, three schools were in close vicinity. If it had been safe to, we could have walked from one to the other.
Between these three schools, 1088 children were in attendance. This number does not include the babies, toddlers or children who's parents for whatever reason did not send their children to school.
Many of these kids have never been off the mountain. They have never been to the city. All they know is the life they live...poverty, despair and hopelessness. I have heard that in these mountain areas, physical and sexual abuse runs rampant. Can you imagine if that was all you knew?
In most cases children in public schools only go to grade 6.  After that many of these children end up on the streets.

Is 58 :10
Feed the hungry, and help those who are in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon. The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength.

One day when we were in Honduras, we made bologna and frijole sandwiches and juice to and out to the street people; the homeless.
In these areas shoes were strung over hydro wires indicating we were in gang territory and drugs were available here. We saw money being raised up to a window by a rope and by that same rope, drugs being lowered to the street below.
We saw many prostitutes, and people addicted to drugs, and many with bottles of glue under their shirts, vacant eyes.
We went with Alvin who has a real ministry to these people. He was like Jesus with skin on. He knew their name, knew their story. He loved them for who they were, who they could be and where they were at.
They knew he loved them unconditionally and they loved him too. They called him Pappy.

I remember one young woman, I believe she was just 23 years old. She already had two children and was pregnant with her third. She was crippled, could barely walk and yet she had been a prostitute since she was 12 years old. A childhood robbed by the many men who used her and clouded by hopelessness and despair.
In that area a man could buy a woman for the entire night for $5.

Alvin introduced to another young girl; 14 years old. Her mother was a prostitute, her older sister was a prostitute. When she was a little girl she told Pappy Alvin that she would never do the things here mom and sister did, and yet there she was continuing the vicious cycle, her innocence long gone.
Her entire life, that was all she had ever known.

The time in the streets definitely had me out of my comfort zone. At times it was rather scary; especially for someone like me who has lived a rather sheltered life.
Yet inside I felt broken for them- the hopelessness of the situation- the seemingly no way out- no way to break free from the chains that bound them to this lifestyle.
But God!!

Jer 29:11, 12
"For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord. "they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In these days when you pray I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me and I will be found by you" says the Lord.

So I ask  you to pray for them. Pray that somehow through the acts of kindness and love, they come to truly know the Love of God, that it becomes not just head knowledge but that it is deeply rooted into their heart..and that they would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that through Him there IS hope- a way out of the darkness and the sin that entraps them. He can free them, transform and change them if they turn to Him.

Psalms 72:12-14
He will rescue the poor when they cry out to Him.  He will help the oppressed, who have no one to defend them. He feels pity for the weak and the needy and he will rescue them. He will redeem them from oppression and violence for their lives are precious to Him.

Fear...it gets in the way.

About three months before were to leave on our short term missions trip a fire broke out in the prison in Tegucigalpa. Over 200 dead, and many missing. We were faced with a decision...to go or not to go. Now, if you were a prisoner and you escaped because there was a fire...would you hang around the city or head for the  nearest border? I know if it were me, I sure wouldn't be hanging around town. I'd be on the fastest train out of there. No way would I want to hang around, get caught and go back to jail!

When my husband Dale told me that he was considering canceling it, my heart sank and disappointment settled in like a cold, dark morning. I questioned God and his plan in all this.
In the end after much prayer and seeking the Lord, the trip was still on!
However a number of people backed out so our team was not as large as it once was. For some of them I think there was a little fear due to the prison fire but,
I believe though that it was all a God thing. He knew who was suppose to go and who was suppose to stay home this time.

When we arrived at our accomodations and saw the bunk house...there would not have been room for everyone that had originally planned on going. I know that alternative plans would have been made to make room for everyone but I thought that was kind of cool! God worked out even the smallest details and he knew ahead of time how many bunks there were and how many chairs would fit around the table at meal time.

Shortly after we arrived and we discussed our itineray we were informed that all of us would be speaking at some point in the church service on the Sunday. Now those of you who know me, know that I am quiet.  I have never felt that God has gifted me with the gift of public speaking. This is sad, but in all the years my husband and I have been in ministry, I have only spoken one time in front of people. It was at a WM meeting a few years ago in another town, and I shared the story of our kids adoption.  Fear stood in my way I guess...not knowing what to say, fear of not having the right words or messing up, being tongue tied. Fear of having all eyes on me, of sounding stupid, looking fat..the list goes on and on... It has never been that I never wanted to...I did but was afraid.  Especially in the early years of our ministry. If only I had trusted Him to help me and let Him be my strength! I wonder how many times He wanted to use me but maybe couldn't because fear and insecurity got in the way.
Fear is so debilitating!

It says in Isaiah 30:18 that the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help.
Isaiah 41:10 Don't be afraid for I am with you. Don't be discouraged for I am your God. I WILL strengthen you and I WILL help you. I WILL uphold you with my victorious right hand.
 Phil.4:13 I can do ALL things through Him who gives me the strength.

I remember one time a few months ago in a service in my home church in Stratford, I strongly felt God telling me to go up to the front and share my testimony of healing...but did I listen, did I obey?
No, I quietly sat in my seat and the moment passed...
James 4:17 says that it is a sin to know what you ought to do and not do it...and so I confess, I sinned against the Lord and against my church family that Sunday. Who knows who was in the service that Sunday that maybe needed to hear what I so desperately wanted to share.
Fear.


This time, in Honduras, I felt that He wanted me to share it again...
That Sunday came and I clammed up again!  I was the first in line to talk and kept my testimony of how I came to know the Lord very brief..maybe two sentences. .However when Wed. rolled around and we were called upon to share in more detail, I shared the testimony of how He healed me when I was but a little child...I didn't share all the details,  but the fact is Jesus healed me and He deserves the glory for it!
But the story of my healing will follow on another day!

 

The journey to Honduras

It all began on a cruise for our 15th Wedding Anniversary in 2010.  One of the ports we stopped at was Roatan Honduras. We didn't book any excursions here. There was a beautiful beach we could relax at, but since we were stopped for a few hours  we decided to go on a tour. It didn't take long to find a driver who was willing to show us around. At first we were a little alarmed as the drive knew little if any English. Within a few minutes though he pulled over on the side of the road and picked up a young boy, who couldn't have been more than 12 years old. He spoke fluent English, and would be our guide for the drive.  We wondered why he would not be in school. He told he had this job during the day to help provide for his family; (a mom and sisters) and he went to school in the evening.

Nothing could have prepared me that day for the sites I saw. The tin shacks that people lived in,  little flimsy make shift houses smaller than our shed at home.I remember seeing the dirt floors through open doors, children running around barefoot, playing with garbage, people wandering around with buckets on their heads. So much poverty, people living with so little.
My heart broke for the moms of those children. I knew they wanted more for them, a better life..but where could they escape too? How could they change the future of their children, give them more than the nothing that they had? And the children? Did they have a hope for the future when that is the only life they knew?
I remember standing at a lookout point overlooking the valley below. Its beauty took my breath away. I remember saying to Dale " We have to come back here. I want to do a missions trip to Honduras some day"
 It broke my heart and throughout that tour, I cried. Cried for the needy, the lost, the people living without hope. The people of Honduras.



Meeting the Lundrigan's
One of the highlights of each summer is Braeside camp. This time we were not renting a cottage there. We did drive down for the evening, which just happened to be a missions service. Severel missionaries were there that night, with tables set up outside the church with various goods from the countries they were missionaries in.


One table in particular caught my eye as it held these beautiful hand made purses. If you know me, you know how much I love that sort of thing. When I stopped for a closer look, I saw they were from Honduras! The missionaries were Randy and Judy Lundrigan.


I don't remember if I introduced myself or not but I did mention how I had wanted to go there for so long! I took my seat in the sanctuary so excited to have some sort of connection to the land that was still on my heart. I told Dale who I had met and that I still wanted to do some sort of missions trip there and he said it was possible. Hope sprang a new at the thought that it could actually come to pass.


A short while later I looked them up on facebook and sent a message to Judy about a possible missions trip for our church. Then through severel emails back and forth between her and my husband a plan was made.

Proverbs 3:6
Seek His will in all you do and He will show you the path to take.






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