The Perfect Gift

 

 

A couple of days ago, I sat down with four of my daycare children and gave them the gifts I had so carefully purchased for them. I knew I had found each of them the perfect gift..they would love them, I was sure!

For three of them, it seemed I did. One little girl said "It's just what I've always wanted!" Her older sister seemed in awe..."How did you know I LOVE horses?", while the youngest girl, not even two, clutched her new doll to her chest and her whole face lit up..."Mine!"
It made me happy inside to see their excitement and smiles.
Then came the fourth child. He tore open his gift, the one so thoughtfully wrapped with him in mind...but instead of a smile he angrily tossed the gift aside and said with a whine..."Awww...it's not lego starwars!" He crossed his arms and a scowl marked his young eight year old face.  He sat there pouting and I sat there, jaw dropped!

I have to admit it made me angry. To think the gift I had so carefully chosen for him, thinking he would love it; that it would be so carelessly tossed aside like a piece of garbage..that hurt!

It reminded me of something else. Christmas is but a few days away and if it were not for Jesus, there would be no Christmas. He  is the "reason for the season"
God sent his only son to be born in Bethlehem.
The Perfect Gift, wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger...in what would normally be used for the animals feeding trough.  Humble beginings for a King.
God knew that one day the baby Jesus would grow to be a man, and that one day that man would give his life for us all. He would die a brutal death on a cross, so that we; each and every one would in turn have eternal life...His gift to us...His perfect gift if we accept it.

Yet so often we go through the Christmas season losing our focus. We are busy and stressed, trying to get it all done, house cleaned and decorated, baking done, meal planned while we try to find that perfect gift for our loved ones. We can so easily forget the reason that we even have Christmas and it's Jesus.

What will we do this Christmas with the most Perfect Gift?  It's up to us.
We can cast it aside; rejected or we can embrace Him...God's perfect gift to us..Jesus!  The reason for the season.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that He gave his only son, that whoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life.

His timing!

 

 

 

It has been a while since I wrote anything on the blog so I figured it was time for an update!

Initially when we first knew we would be going to Honduras, our plan was to move in February. We had been told though by more than one source that it was unrealistic; that it takes most missionaries up to eighteen months to raise their support to the place were they could purchase their plane tickets to go.
I guess in hind site maybe we were  too confident it couldn't possible take that long! That seemed like forever!  A lot of it was that we just wanted to go, get to Tegucigalpa and get to work on all that He has for us to do there. We are still pumped to go and want to get there as soon as possible...but maybe now are a little more realistic about how long it really does take.

First of all our funds are not where they need to be for us to go in February.  The other thing is, it would mean pulling the kids from their schools here in Canada and risk losing their school year. Then we would be immersing them right away in a new country, new school, new house, totally different culture, new everything! Overwhelming to say the least.  Not too mention the emotions they will be dealing with. I know kids are resilient and our kids have had several moves in their lives and they always seem to adjust well..but this is going to be a huge change; the biggest one yet in their lives. The change with the most goodbyes.
That being said; we are planning an exploratory trip to Honduras at the end of February. Dale was able to find cheap tickets for us to go. The kids will see the Schools of Hope that we will be working in, mingle with the children there as well as visit potential schools that they themselves could be attending,  tour the city and hopefully take them to Valle de Angeles, the market and maybe even the mall.  They will have a few days to experience life in Honduras! Now, hopefully they don't change their mind about going..lol



Now the plan is to go sometime later on in the summer, Lord willing if the funds are there for us to actually go then! I believe that we will be there when HE wants us to be, as it is His timing, not ours even if we want to rush ahead of things. There are reasons we are still here, and not headed there in February. He sees the big picture. His timing is ALWAYS perfect and ALWAYS on time!

All that being said, we are looking for people who could partner with us monthly. The fact is that we do have a budget to raise in order to live there and do the work that is waiting for us. If the budget isn't raised, we can't go.
If anyone would consider partnering with us monthly, your support would be greatly appreciated and will help us bring Jesus to these kids!

Thank you and God Bless!

Here is a link if you wish to donate to Ruttans in Honduras! Hopefully this link will take you to our page

http://paoc.org/donate?mID=488

 

 

 

 

What do our kids think of all this?

Many people have asked us how are kids are feeling about moving to Honduras.
Below are their initial reactions.

Jacob:

Before the words were even out of our mouths, Jake, our oldest son said. "Please tell me that we are going to move to Honduras!"
Our jaws dropped because out of all three of our children, we assumed Jake would be the one to give us the most grief.
That was not the reaction we were expecting. He totally shocked us by being a hundred percent on board with us.  He wanted a change in scenery, to experience a new culture, a new beginning and a chance to start over.
A few people know how over the years we have struggled with him from day one. One issue after another. We would overcome one obstacle only to be thrown something else, something worse than before. At times things looked hopeless and the feelings of despair were overwhelming at times.  We were at our wits end spent allot of time crying out to God to get through to him.  Nothing seemed to help. Not art therapy when he was young, not counselling, not a trip to the police station, not the intervention weekend with his older biological sisters...
But then this summer something happened.
We allowed him to help at a christian camp. At first we were not going to allow him to go, but we really felt like God was saying "let him go"
I spoke about this in another entry so I guess I am repeating myself here...but he came back from that camp a changed young man.
I can say with confidence that he is not the same guy he was before the summer. His demeanor, his attitudes, the way he spends his spare time, what he watches on TV, the music he listens too....
He gave his life to God, totally, one hundred percent....and He changed him from the inside out.
Where counselling and therapy failed...God prevailed, and it's beautiful!
I am so proud of him.

Jake is a very gifted guitar player and artist.
Favorite colour.... lime green.
Favorite music ...Hillsongs United
Favorite movie...Avatar

Benjamin

Our middle child Ben is a blond haired, blue eyed sports enthusiast.  He has always been very good any sport he sets his hand to try,  very good natured, with a sunny personality. He is a thoughtful kid, always asking if there is anything he can do to help. Ben is full of energy and fun. He was NOT so keen on going to Honduras in the beginning.
He loves his sports especially snowboarding and how would he do that in Honduras? And friends...he has a couple really close friends. It would be HARD to say goodbye to them. In his words, we were forcing him to go, not giving him a choice or a say in the decision. He was very adamant about how he felt.
However in August he met other MK's ( missionary kids) who were in the same boat as him.  Some of them had spent most of their life outside of Canada. One had never lived here but had spent his whole life in Senegal and much preferred it there to here. Between the friendships he made with the other MK's, and the influence and leadership of Matt Janes, the MK's youth pastor, and God speaking to his young heart...Ben's heart was changed.
I will never forget when Ben stood in front of everyone at Segue; adults, youth and children. Dale and I looked at each other, not knowing he was going to do this and not knowing what was going to come out of his mouth when he said.."When my parents first told me we were going to Honduras, I did not want to go, but now I am looking forward to it."
It was all I could do to keep the tears from flowing.
Out of all the kids, Ben is giving up the most because of his love of winter and all things to do with winter. He for one is praying for a ton of snow before we go!

Favorite Colour ... Blue
Favorite Movie....Hunger games
Favorite Sports...Snowboarding, Basketball, Skateboarding.

 

 

 

Elisa is our youngest child. She is a happy 11 year old who loves to sing, dance and shop.
She is our drama queen. She is very outgoing and loves to talk...though she does have her shy moments.
Her first reaction was to be excited...over the top as Elisa can often be.
Then reality sunk into her heart. While she was excited and happy to go, she thought of all the goodbyes, all the things familiar she would be leaving behind and it made her sad.
Going to the mall and hanging out with her friends, walking around the avon river, playing at upper queens park, her grandparents, her pets....
If you asked her today how she was feeling she would tell you.
Happy. Sad.

Favorite Colour....Purple
Favorite Music....Yancy, Deana Hoyles
Favorite Movie....Soul Surfer

"Forever family" How our story began...

This Thanksgiving there are so many things I am thankful for but today I wanted to focus on one thing...my family.

 

 

I had always wanted three or four children for as long as I could remember. But after 8 years of marriage it was a dream that I had long given up on; although I felt the pain of being childless all the time.
Dale and I were living just outside of Essex in the country. He was children's pastor at the church and I offered child care in our home. I was caring for one family that had a little boy and two foster children. After chatting with the mom about the need for foster parents in the area an idea was born in my heart that this was something we could do! We had a ton of space in that home, and I thought we could make a difference in a child's life. I believed it was something we should pursue.

We made the call to CAS and then began the invasive home study and a ten week long fostering course with other prospective foster parents.
It was during the home study we were informed that they would never place children in our home under the age of 6. They felt that us not being able to have our own children we would not want to give the children up when it was time for them to go home with their parents.
That was so disappointing! I felt like I was a better fit with younger children as I had been "babysitting" younger kids for years and really loved that age. I knew that older children came with more baggage and would be more of a challenge and I honestly didn't think I could handle an older school aged child; not with the attitudes and acting out. I felt defeated before we even began.

We were not even finished with our course when the call came from CAS.  They were in desperate need for a home for a brother and sister. Could we take them right away?
Their ages were eighteen months and two years old!
I don't have to tell you how excited and happy I was. It was a dream come true!
They came for a visit one evening to meet us first before they made the move to our home.
Blue eyed, curly blond haired Benny and his brown eyed little sister. Both of them were so cute.
Dale had set me down before we met them and said " We cannot get attached to these kids" He had a plan to just hold them at arms length and not get his heart involved.
After meeting them that line of thinking went out the window because it was love at first sight!

Benny was hyper, always on the go and very clumsy; accident prone. I remember one time he walked right into a glass door at church, rubbed his head and asked " How did that get there?" 
That has been a saying that we now use all the time!
Elisa was always cute and just an all around happy child. Just learning to walk, she was a bit wobbly on her feet.

 

 

Every week they had visits with their mom, older sisters and brother. We would get them ready, a driver would come and pick them up and then drop them back off again when the visit was over.
Four months in we received a call asking us if we had room for the brother Jake. He; like Ben and Elisa was being made "crown ward no access"  At the time he was still living with his older sisters who still had visits with mom. In order to make things easier they wanted to move him in with us. It would have been devastating to have to tell him that his sisters could go see mom but he had to stay behind. Can you imagine having to explain that to a four year old?

Anyway, we definitely had the space, so the last day of school that summer, Jake came to live with us. He was exactly like his worker described ....a little pistol! Cute as a button though...but my goodness what a handful. His first night in our home he peed on the carpet in his room!

It is a long story but eventually mom signed off on the kids. We didn't even have to go to court to sing the affidavit.
We had a lawyer tell us, "look, if you want to adopt these kids...speak up!"
Of course we did. We wanted to keep them together as a family..not have each of them end up in separate foster homes never again to see each other.
And so the adoption process began.  We had another home study and an adoption course to complete. It took what seemed like forever.

By the time everything was final, Elisa was already four years old.
There was a lot of red tape. The courts had to sign off on the dad because he was no where to be found, there were spelling mistakes between the health card and the birth certificate, one thing after another , another hoop to jump through, the glitches kept coming.
My greatest fear in it all was that we would lose the kids. It was taking so very long. I was afraid that mom would change her mind and want the kids back, and that would be it, they would be gone, lost to us forever, our dreams of being a forever family destroyed.
Thankfully, that didn't happen and when everything was final we had them dedicated to the glory of God in our church in Essex. Family was there along with our kids siblings ( who by the way we still maintain relationships with) and all of the workers who had worked along side from the beginning.
Afterwards one of the workers commented on what a miracle it was and it was obvious who we worked for.

Indeed it was a miracle. It was a dream realized. Not just one child, but three....instant family!

It has been several years since that journey began as our children are now 11, 12 and 14. In some ways it seems like they have always been with us. It has been an adventure since the day they walked through the door and stepped into our hearts.
It hasn't always been easy.  There have been a lot of challenges and things to work through. We aren't perfect parents, we have made our share of mistakes, but we are there for each other, we love each other through it all. Today and always I am thankful for them!

 

Here is a photo of the kids with their older sisters Maria and Anna.

 

One Wednesday in October..

It has been a rough day or so. A discovery was made that made my heart stop and left me reeling inside with a gnawing sense of worry.
With the simple click of the mouse...mystery solved. What was hidden was made known, the truth glaring at me from the screen of the laptop.
My husband would say I am worrying over nothing and perhaps I am....but isn't that my job as a mom?
I love how God does that. He puts something on our heart to clue us in to what is going on with our children. It's like a nudge or a whisper in the ear. It's that sense of knowing not all is as it appears. Something is up..and then He shows us.



Jer. 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

But Satan has other plans and they are the opposite of God's plans. Plans to steal, kill and destroy.
He doesn't want us to have that future or a hope God has for us so he weaves his deception, his lies into our hearts and minds so we think something is ok..or harmless when it is far from it.
We can't serve two masters.
We can't be a part time christian- only at church ....but at school, work or wherever we may be live like the devil. The things that we do, the places we go, the things we watch on tv or the internet..etc
Either we are serving Him or we are not.

Rev 3:15, 16
I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot or cold.  I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither not or cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!

We need to stop and think would we want our christian friends,  or our pastor knowing what we are up to when no one else is around? If Jesus were standing beside us in the flesh would we still do it?
Satan is the father of lies. His goal is to destroy us.
Sometimes it's subtle. He may use "stuff" to distract us. Stuff that isn't necessarily bad in itself, but maybe it replaces the time that we once spent in the word, praying or talking to God.
The descent may be slow, where we don't even notice how far we've slipped and fallen, until we find ourselves doing things or thinking things we know would break the heart of God.

A song that comes to mind is that old Steve Camp song "the fire that once burned bright, we've let it grow dim. And the very Word we said that we would die for, all has been forgotten as the world's become our friend"

I don't want to see my child struggle. I know high school is a tough place to be a christian; even more so than when I was there many years ago. I know his desire to serve Jesus. The change in him this past summer was nothing short of miraculous. I believe with all my heart is was all part of the preparation he is in for when we go to Honduras.  God did an amazing work in him!
But, I also know his desire to fit in with his peers. The desire to be liked and accepted. There is also that  teenage arrogance there thinking he is on top of the world and can handle anything that is thrown at him.

I know it is spiritual warfare and the battle for his soul is on. The battle for all our souls really. Whether we are going on the mission field or not. Whether we are rich or poor, young or old...


Eph. 6:12
For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies., but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.



Heb 12:1,2a
Therefore since we are surrounded by such a large crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up, And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us.  We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.

That is the prayer for my family...that we would constantly keep our eyes on Him..that we would not look to the left or right or get side tracked by things in this life..that we would continue to pursue Him as we walk this journey, the road to Hope.

Friend to the "friendless"

 I was so proud of my son Benjamin yesterday.

On our street lives an autistic boy  "J" who is about 9 or 10  years old.
"J" is on new meds that him wandering all over the place at all hours of the day and night for that matter.   He will come up to the door and want in the house and I will tell him he needs to go home because his mommy is looking for him. I am not sure if there is a dad in the picture or not as I have only seen his mom with him. I have watched her struggle with him trying to get him to listen or reason. Quite often he does his own thing as he tunes her out.
  Yesterday Ben went outside and played with him even though he would have rather been doing other things.....for 5 hours! What sacrifice.
"J" had been hanging around our house looking in the screen door, wandering around the yard wanting someone to play with. He was really starting to get on my nerves, and here is Ben showing the love of Jesus to him by being a friend to him, regardless if the child was "different"...It didn't bother Ben in the least, he liked him for him. Really put me to shame.
He later told me that "J" is a nice kid once you get to know him.
That's my boy....liking people for who they are as a person...he takes the time to get to know people . Who cares if society deems them as different or annoying. He gives them a chance and knows how to be a friend.
Isn't that a lot like Jesus?
He loves us all regardless of who we are, where we are or what we have done, unconditionally. We don't have to become anything to be worthy of His love. He always has time for us. He is always there for us.
Nothing can separate us from His love..nothing!

Romans 8:31-39 ( The Message)

 So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Tough pill to swallow

A couple of years ago my daughter was diagnosed with ADD. It made perfect sense;  a piece to the puzzle solved...and yet when I heard... I cried.
I thought back to all the times I was hard on her for not keeping her room to my standards, for just throwing her stuff all over the place and not being able to focus on any one thing, being so easily distracted. It made perfect sense, much as I didn't want to accept it.
I would send her off to her room to do a few things only to come back and find not one of them done.  Honestly..it drove me crazy!
So, when I heard there was a reason for all these behaviours, not just her trying to be disobedient; something inside of me broke.

Our Dr put her on a low dose and from day one her teachers noticed a huge difference in her. She was listening and no longer disrupting the class, her grades improved.  The meds were only for school, for concentrating on her lessons. She would not be on them on the weekends or any school vacations.

This year however, in chatting with her teacher one morning, the thought went through my mind that perhaps her dosage needed to be increased.  She didn't seem to be doing as well. She was slipping into her old patterns.
However the next morning a light went on! It was one of those aha moments. I clued in that she had not been taking her medication.
I didn't think at her age that I needed to stand over her and make certain that she actually takes the pill but apparently I should have.
When confronted about it her reply broke my heart.
"Mommy, I just wanted to prove to everyone that I don't need the pills anymore"

How she hates having ADD . She hates to be labelled a stupid ADD girl as some kids have called her. I can't count the times she has prayed that she would wake up and not have it anymore.
My heart hurts for her.  How I wish I could just take an eraser and blot this out of her life so she no longer has to struggle with it and feel that she is "different" than everyone else.
I long for her to realize her full potential. She IS smart, compassionate, sweet and giving.  This is the girl that spent some of her birthday money on a beta fish for her brother Ben to replace his fish that our cat killed.  Rather than spending it on herself she spent it on her brother and totally brightened his day. She was so excited that day!

 She doesn't want to need the meds that help her so she was trying to do it on her own without them and it just did not work.

How many times do we do that in life? All of us have done it at one time or another. Trying to do life in our strength without God's help, and end up falling flat on our face. Just like it says in Phil 4.:13...that "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me the strength..."
 I believe that without Him we can do nothing..and we will fail if we rely on our own strength.
It's kind of like getting in a car that has no gas and expecting to go somewhere...it's not gonna happen!

Recently my mother in law was chatting with a friend who is a global worker in another part of Central America. Her grandson had come to visit for a year and his ADD symptoms all but disappeared while he was living there. The reason?  They believe that it is because the food there does not have all the additives in it that the food here has.
I have also heard that in Honduras, ADD is unheard of.  I don't even know for sure if her medication will be available there.
Perhaps once my daughter is on a different "diet" her symptoms too will disappear...
that's this mother's prayer anyway.

Blessings along the way...

August was a crazy busy month for us. It seemed we were hardly ever home, between Segue and weekends away.
A few days after returning home from Segue, we went camping in the St. Catharines area with family friends. It was the first time we had ever camped without electricity and running water. Even without these amenities it was a  much needed relaxing time.

On this campground there was a little "corner" store. Elisa had gone there with her friend from the other family; Curtis. The two of them are very close.  It's kind of cute to watch them actually.
One day Elisa came running back to our campsite all excited about something she had seen at the store that she wanted me to buy for her. I went with her to see what all the fuss was about. There sitting in a basket were these glow in the dark earrings. They were like those glow sticks you can buy at the dollar store that only last a few hours. We used to buy them all the time for the kids when they were younger and we would give them to them before bed around the campfire when we were camping.  These were two inch versions of these, made into earrings. I didn't buy them for her because they would only last a few hours and then the glow would be gone. A pointless  waste of money, I thought...

Fast forward to the following weekend.  We camped at Braeside camp for Holy Spirit weekend.
The same family was there as they were running the children's program at the camp. It wasn't long after we arrived that Curtis showed up at our campsite and he and Elisa went off to play at the near by park.
Curtis mom and I were chatting and she told me that Curtis had bought Elisa a gift but she didn't know if he would give it to her or not.
He did.
He presented it to her in this little wooden box with a heart on top. What was in that box?
You guessed it...the glow in the dark earrings she so desperately wanted!
Elisa told me afterwards that Curtis had spent all his money on them.
Curtis knew how much she wanted them.  His gift was the perfect gift for her and from the heart. It made Elisa so happy as she proudly wore them around the camp that night and basked in the many compliments she received about her glow in the dark earrings.
I admit a part of me felt really bad for not buying them for her. They were not that expensive after all....but oh the joy they brought her.

I was reminded of God's love for us and His desire to give us good gifts.
Matthew 7:11
So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly father give good gifts to those who ask him?

I thought too about how God gave us His all in giving us His only son..a precious, priceless gift....the gift that gives us eternal life if we believe in Him...
John 3:16
For God loved the world so much that He gave us His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will have eternal life.


Finally I want to share about a gift that I received this week.
For a while now I have been mentioning to Dale that the only thing I wanted for Christmas...provided we had the money; was an e reader. It would be awesome to have in Honduras to be able to read in my spare time. It gets dark there around 5:30 or 6pm all year around, and you don't go out once it's dark .so what does one do in the evenings?  I am pretty sure even in libraries English books would be few and far between, and do they even have libraries in Honduras?  I don't know.

At noon the other day when Dale came home at lunch, he had a gift for me from  friends in the church...an e reader! What a kind and generous gift!
I can't tell you what a blessing that is and will be when we are away. I'm so thankful for it...both to the couple who gave it to me and to God who knew.

The Journey Continues...Segue

The past nine days we have been at "Segue" which basically means the transitioning from one situation to another.
We had several sessions a day training us in Child Care Plus, cultural differences, creative writing, funding our ministries, media and other things.
Our afternoons were filled with one on one meetings with leaders, discussing estate planning, intercession, and further courses we need to take. They all wanted to hear our hearts and our stories.
It was an exhausting and yet amazing experience, connecting and making friendships with other global workers who are headed off to other countries. We felt further confirmation of our "call"

We also had hands on experience on a trip to Toronto's China Town. It was like stepping into another world; where the sights and smells were like nothing I have ever experienced before.
We we were to find some fruit we had never seen before and inquire as to what it was and how to prepare it. Simple, right?
Not exactly. For me it was the most stressful part of the day, because it seemed, in this part of Toronto no one spoke English. This is Canada...one would assume that everyone would speak the main language of the country. Not so.
It seemed impossible to communicate with anyone. Though I was with my family, I felt stressed, alone and even a bit emotional, almost to the point of tears.

Later on we met with all the other global workers at an Ethiopian restaurant. We were served a platter of spicy meat and vegetables served on teff bread, ate with our fingers and fed one another. Dinner was followed by Ethiopian coffee; a must try for any coffee lover.

The highlight of the week at Segue was when Ben, our middle child stood at the front of the auditorium.  He told everyone that when he first was told we were going to Honduras, he absolutely hated the idea, but now he wanted to go. You need to know my son Ben loves snowboarding and basically everything about winter. Really out of all of us, he is sacrificing the most to go. So to hear him proclaim that to everyone, it was all I could do to hold back the sobs and the tears from streaming down my face. Tears of joy. This was the cry of our heart from the beginning of this journey.
The journey to hope.

Another chapter comes to a close...losing Maddie

We lost our dog on Friday. I hesitate to write this now; when the pain is still very real and emotions are raw.
It doesn't take long for people to realize that I have a soft spot for animals. One only has to look at my facebook page and see the many photos of our pets to know that.

When we first knew we would be leaving for Honduras, my thoughts also turned to what would we do with our dog?  She was older, we had had her for 11 years and she was atleast a year when we adopted her. She had arthritis and was also deaf. I knew she would never make the trip. The flight alone would have probably done her in. I asked my parents but knew it wasn't fair to ask them, as they could never give her the care she needed on a full time basis.

I began to pray about it.."God, if Maddie can't come with us to Honduras, then please just take her peacefully in her sleep before we go" I didn't want to have to put her down before it was time; before she or we were ready. I so wanted her to come with us to Honduras, but knew in my heart of hearts it was not realistic.

Looking back it was shortly after returning from Honduras that Maddie began to decline somewhat.
In early June I took Maddie to the vet because she was very lethargic, and not herself. She was "napping" in the weirdest places, like under the kitchen table instead of her bed...Although she still had her appetite!
It was at this vet appointment that the vet detected something new. Maddie was in heart failure.
I mentioned to the vet about us moving to Honduras and she said "Maddie is not a good candidate for that"
I asked her how much time she thought Maddie had left and was told the last dog she had seen with this lasted three months before passing. "It's like sudden death"
The news was sobering.

After that Maddie seemed somewhat alright. Dale had even commented that he didn't think the vet was right and maybe she just had a virus or something. He didn't think there was really anything wrong with her heart.
She still struggled with her arthritis but managed ok with the help of duralacin shipped from a friend in the states and her glucosomine.
Yet she did need help getting up and down the stairs and off of the furniture. She was a bit too crippled up to do those things on her own.
Most of the time she slept on her bed under the end table in the living room. It was like her little cave.
One night she was sleeping on the couch comfortably in the family room. So when we went to bed we let her be; not wanting to disturb her.
The next morning I slept in til 6:30, (if you can call it that--normally I am up way before 6:30.) I heard her walking up the wooden stairs. She had jumped off the couch on her own.
When she did this she damaged her front paw somehow. It just kind of hung there all limp like. It was weird because it didn't seem to hurt her when we touched it. We later found out that it wasn't broken but there was nerve damage there.
The following day I was sick and laying on the couch in the family room. I saw Maddie standing at the top of the stairs and I knew she wanted down to be with me. That's how she was; always wanting to be where her family was.
I called for her to "wait!" But it was too late- down those wooden stairs she fell and more less flew across the floor landing on her side. I remember crying "Maddie, why didn't you wait for me?"
I think that was the final straw. We don't know how much damage she did internally.
After that she moved even more slowly- taking a few steps and then just laying down, not even bothering with her comfortable bed. She couldn't manage to walk there. She had also collapsed three times on us that week. She would just lay there on the kitchen floor and we would pick her up and put her on her bed.
The last two days she was with us, we put her on our bed with us at night. When she was younger she always slept at the foot of the bed until she could no longer get on and off by herself.

That last morning when Dale helped her off the bed she cried in pain when he picked her up. He put her outside and it seemed to take forever for her to find a place to go. She hobbled slowly along and finally went. Then rather than coming back to the house she just laid down in the grass. Dale brought her in and fed her and she ate and then laid down again, her head in her bowl. I lost it at the point. I knew we were losing her and it hurt so much to see her suffer. I knew she was hurting bad. I was so hoping that she would come around in the morning and we wouldn't have to take her in but instead she was worse. Dale picked her up and set her on bed in the living room.
All that final day she lay around -once in a while getting up to eat and go outside. She had her favorite treats that day; yogurt, cheese and ice cream, never losing her appetite even in her final moments.
I was happy and blessed to have a lot of time alone with her on her last day. Just her and I saying our goodbyes before Dale came and we took her on one final trip to the vet.

I know all along I had been saying when the time comes I didn't want to make that decision. With everything in me I prayed that when it was her time she would just go peacefully in her sleep. But it didn't happen that way.
Reflecting back though, I am so thankful it didn't .  God reminded me of something.  If Maddie had simply passed in her sleep, we wouldn't have had the chance to say our goodbyes and she would have died alone. Instead we were with her right until the very end and we had a chance to say goodbye.
The timing of it all is ironic.
In a couple weeks we are headed off to Peterborough for missions training. For the duration of that week we had previously arranged for my parents to take care of Maddie. They loved having her and Maddie loved being there. They spoiled her rotten!
However with their sunken in living room and deck to get off of to go outside, we were concerned about how Maddie would fare there this time.  My parents were afraid to pick her up to help her down for fear of hurting her...so what would she do?
I believe God knew all this and knew how we would worry about her- knew how difficult it would be for my parents to deal with her, and how hard it would be on Maddie to get around.
Now, we don't need to worry about any of that. There is no longer any worry about what will happen to Maddie when we go to Honduras.  Much as our hearts are broken and the pain is intense, we have the memories to treasure forever.. Maddie was old, weak and tired and the last couple days we knew she wanted to go. It was her time. We wanted more time with her, but it wasn't meant to be I guess.

It is going to be difficult without her as we see her shadow everywhere, and miss the littlest of things- her snoring, nails clicking on the floors, her under my feet in the kitchen, her pleading brown eyes looking up at me...no more almost empty yogurt containers for her to clean out...the list goes on and on..
I know God will give us the strength to get through the days ahead and He is even now. I know as painful as it is, it's part of our journey to Honduras. I am sure I will have my moments when the memories of her overwhelm me and I just break down, it's happened alot today actually...but I also know it will get easier.
I know I can trust God with our future as He works out His plan for our lives. It won't come without pain or hardship, but He will be there for us giving us strength.

Ps 34:18
The Lord is close to the broken hearted and he rescues thoses whose spirits are crushed.


Lamentations 3:20-23
I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: the faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness. His mercies begin a fresh each morning.

Heart Stirrings

It was during a missions service one evening at the church I grew up in; Calvary Pentecostal in Woodstock Ontario. The Keddy's were speaking and I was so stirred in my spirit. I knew one day I wanted to go. I guess that is when I first felt the "call" I would have been around twenty at the time.
I actually did have an opportunity to go to Africa one time. All I really had to do was find a way there. But then life happened. I met Dale!
However, I think it is something that both of us have always felt we would do someday. Maybe when the kids were grown, out of school, on their own.
Yet, now is the time!
It was this past fall during my quiet times/devotions that I began to sense a change was coming. I really felt as though God was telling me that we would be going on the mission field full time.
I kept it to myself for a while. I didn't tell Dale. I "put my fleece out" and told the Lord, "Ok God, if this is truly of You, then You need to tell Dale the same thing." Sometimes I struggle with truly knowing if it is God or my emotions talking to me..
I did tell my friend Deana though how I was feeling over coffee one night. I told her I had a sense that Bethel would be our last church and that I thought we would be going on the missions field.
Around the same time, several people were approaching Dale telling him that he would be a great lead pastor. A similar comment was also made by the regional director and if Dale wanted to put his name out there, let him know and they would help him find a church.
Flattering as that was, my husband has always said he would be ALWAYS be a children's pastor. That's where his heart is.
He was unsure about how he felt about it all, and he really didn't think it was something he wanted to pursue.
As for me, it created some confusion in my heart. Perhaps a little disappointment too. Not that I didn't think my husband would make a great lead pastor- but if that truly was the path God was leading him on, then what I 'thought' I heard must have been in my head.
Don't get me wrong. The idea of moving to a foreign country scared me to death. It still does! The thought of leaving all the we know here, the amazing life that we have come to love, our aging parents, friends, our beloved beagle Maddie whom we have had for 11 years now. It made me sad.
Not to mention the cultural differences, trying to find a home to live in, a school for the children. The list goes on, but those three things are pretty much at the top.
When we decided to do a short term missions trip to Honduras, I think part of me knew that it wasn't going to end at the end of our short term trip, that it would end up being something bigger. I felt it in the depths of my heart and it terrified me...yet excited me too. Hard to explain. I just knew that if God wanted us to go then we definitely had to go!
One evening when the girls on the team retired to our bunk room for the evening, I wrote this in my journal..
" Standing in the play area of the school, overlooking the city I felt so overwhelmed. Almost like God was saying " how can you think of leaving?" I am afraid to write what I am really feeling- but I sense that what we did today is what Dale and I will be doing and we are going to be here some day."
then on our last day in Honduras, I wrote,,,
"My heart is here in Honduras...One day I'll return"

The Healing

Back when I was a small child I suffered from epilepsy.
There were times when I would wake up in the hospital having no recollection of how I got there. Every time the answer was the same. "You had a convulsion"

I don't remember having them but I do recall one time being told that I had been playing at the school playground with some neighbourhood friends. I had a spell and had fallen off the monkey bars.
The school was just a few doors down from our home and one of my friends ran told my mom that I had fallen and wouldn't get up.
Now a days a parent would never send a child that young to play in the park without adult supervision. I guess times were different back then. It didn't seem to be that big of a deal. Maybe because I was with three or four other friends.
Anyway, when I came to, I was in the hospital.

One time it was a Sunday morning, and I distinctly remember asking the Dr. what day it was. When he told me it was Sunday I told him " Well, you had better let me out of here. I have to go to church!"
When I was a little girl, I truly loved Jesus with all my heart. I loved going to church and loved learning about him, and loved the worship part of the service.

Back then our church had an evening service that we always went to. On Sunday night there was a huge snow storm. My church at the time, ( Hiway Pentecostal) in Ingersoll had, had a special speaker there in the morning. Due to the storm he was stranded and unable to make his next speaking engagement. So, our pastor invited him to speak in the evening service.

He spoke on healing and I don't recall any of his message but I do know that with all my heart I sure didn't want to have epilepsy anymore. I heard that Jesus would heal me! I didn't have to have it anymore..I wanted that!
When the speaker called people up to the front that wanted to be healed, you can be sure I went forward. I believed with all my 6 year old little heart that Jesus would make me all better!
I was standing beside a friend at the time and the minister laid hands on both of us at the same time.
His prayer went something like this.."Father we pray for this brother and sister.." He didn't get to finish because I interrupted him and said."He is not my brother" I know now that wasn't what he meant.:-0)
Anyway, I didn't question if I was healed or not. I didn't go home thinking that "I sure hope I was healed!..or maybe He healed me" No, I simply believed with all my heart that He healed me; no doubt whatsoever. I don't think the thought crossed my mind that it might not happen. Oh to have that child like faith today! No seeds of doubt planted in my heart.

The next morning came and my mom had my pills set aside for me to take. I was on dilantin and phenobarb. I told her "I don't need those pills anymore, Jesus healed me!"
My mom was very concerned and still wanted me to take them. Now that I am a mom I totally get that thinking..I might be the same way actually if I were in her shoes. She was afraid of something happening; worried about her little girl having yet another seizure.
My dad has always been rather calm, easy going and relaxed; not so high strung, and he calmed her down. "Just wait and see"
I think he didn't want to destroy the faith that I had at 6 years old.

Still, a phone call was made to my teacher that morning, to explain the situation of me going to school without being medicated. My teacher was a christian though so she would have understood about divine healing. Basically she asked my teacher to keep an eye on me just in case.
Interesting enough, my teachers sister, up until recently attended our church today here in Stratford! ( Mrs Thompson)

Well, from that snowy winters eve on, I never again took another pill for epilepsy and I never again had another seizure! Completely healed!

James 5:16
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

Matthew 17:20
"You don't have enough faith" Jesus told them. " I tell you the truth,if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain. Move from here to there, and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.

Survival mode

Dumpsters on the side of the road - a familiar scene. Most of them have people walking through them in search of something of value to sell to make a little money. It's one of the saddest sights I have ever seen.

Imagine if that was your life - a life of poverty.
Rummaging through garbage to find something-anything worth selling to help provide for yourself or your family. What if that were your means of survival, a daily routine? How would  you cope?

If your income was $1 or $2 a day or less, how would you survive ?
How would you provide for your family on such meager wages? Would your heart not long for more..? A comfortable home, food on the table, clothing and not to mention an education for your children?
All the things we take for granted here.
These people are destitute, they have nothing; and it's all about surviving.Taking what you need to live, to help your family.
I remember the children living in the mountains outside of Tegucigalpa.  In the area we were in, three schools were in close vicinity. If it had been safe to, we could have walked from one to the other.
Between these three schools, 1088 children were in attendance. This number does not include the babies, toddlers or children who's parents for whatever reason did not send their children to school.
Many of these kids have never been off the mountain. They have never been to the city. All they know is the life they live...poverty, despair and hopelessness. I have heard that in these mountain areas, physical and sexual abuse runs rampant. Can you imagine if that was all you knew?
In most cases children in public schools only go to grade 6.  After that many of these children end up on the streets.

Is 58 :10
Feed the hungry, and help those who are in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon. The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength.

One day when we were in Honduras, we made bologna and frijole sandwiches and juice to and out to the street people; the homeless.
In these areas shoes were strung over hydro wires indicating we were in gang territory and drugs were available here. We saw money being raised up to a window by a rope and by that same rope, drugs being lowered to the street below.
We saw many prostitutes, and people addicted to drugs, and many with bottles of glue under their shirts, vacant eyes.
We went with Alvin who has a real ministry to these people. He was like Jesus with skin on. He knew their name, knew their story. He loved them for who they were, who they could be and where they were at.
They knew he loved them unconditionally and they loved him too. They called him Pappy.

I remember one young woman, I believe she was just 23 years old. She already had two children and was pregnant with her third. She was crippled, could barely walk and yet she had been a prostitute since she was 12 years old. A childhood robbed by the many men who used her and clouded by hopelessness and despair.
In that area a man could buy a woman for the entire night for $5.

Alvin introduced to another young girl; 14 years old. Her mother was a prostitute, her older sister was a prostitute. When she was a little girl she told Pappy Alvin that she would never do the things here mom and sister did, and yet there she was continuing the vicious cycle, her innocence long gone.
Her entire life, that was all she had ever known.

The time in the streets definitely had me out of my comfort zone. At times it was rather scary; especially for someone like me who has lived a rather sheltered life.
Yet inside I felt broken for them- the hopelessness of the situation- the seemingly no way out- no way to break free from the chains that bound them to this lifestyle.
But God!!

Jer 29:11, 12
"For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord. "they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In these days when you pray I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me and I will be found by you" says the Lord.

So I ask  you to pray for them. Pray that somehow through the acts of kindness and love, they come to truly know the Love of God, that it becomes not just head knowledge but that it is deeply rooted into their heart..and that they would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that through Him there IS hope- a way out of the darkness and the sin that entraps them. He can free them, transform and change them if they turn to Him.

Psalms 72:12-14
He will rescue the poor when they cry out to Him.  He will help the oppressed, who have no one to defend them. He feels pity for the weak and the needy and he will rescue them. He will redeem them from oppression and violence for their lives are precious to Him.

Fear...it gets in the way.

About three months before were to leave on our short term missions trip a fire broke out in the prison in Tegucigalpa. Over 200 dead, and many missing. We were faced with a decision...to go or not to go. Now, if you were a prisoner and you escaped because there was a fire...would you hang around the city or head for the  nearest border? I know if it were me, I sure wouldn't be hanging around town. I'd be on the fastest train out of there. No way would I want to hang around, get caught and go back to jail!

When my husband Dale told me that he was considering canceling it, my heart sank and disappointment settled in like a cold, dark morning. I questioned God and his plan in all this.
In the end after much prayer and seeking the Lord, the trip was still on!
However a number of people backed out so our team was not as large as it once was. For some of them I think there was a little fear due to the prison fire but,
I believe though that it was all a God thing. He knew who was suppose to go and who was suppose to stay home this time.

When we arrived at our accomodations and saw the bunk house...there would not have been room for everyone that had originally planned on going. I know that alternative plans would have been made to make room for everyone but I thought that was kind of cool! God worked out even the smallest details and he knew ahead of time how many bunks there were and how many chairs would fit around the table at meal time.

Shortly after we arrived and we discussed our itineray we were informed that all of us would be speaking at some point in the church service on the Sunday. Now those of you who know me, know that I am quiet.  I have never felt that God has gifted me with the gift of public speaking. This is sad, but in all the years my husband and I have been in ministry, I have only spoken one time in front of people. It was at a WM meeting a few years ago in another town, and I shared the story of our kids adoption.  Fear stood in my way I guess...not knowing what to say, fear of not having the right words or messing up, being tongue tied. Fear of having all eyes on me, of sounding stupid, looking fat..the list goes on and on... It has never been that I never wanted to...I did but was afraid.  Especially in the early years of our ministry. If only I had trusted Him to help me and let Him be my strength! I wonder how many times He wanted to use me but maybe couldn't because fear and insecurity got in the way.
Fear is so debilitating!

It says in Isaiah 30:18 that the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help.
Isaiah 41:10 Don't be afraid for I am with you. Don't be discouraged for I am your God. I WILL strengthen you and I WILL help you. I WILL uphold you with my victorious right hand.
 Phil.4:13 I can do ALL things through Him who gives me the strength.

I remember one time a few months ago in a service in my home church in Stratford, I strongly felt God telling me to go up to the front and share my testimony of healing...but did I listen, did I obey?
No, I quietly sat in my seat and the moment passed...
James 4:17 says that it is a sin to know what you ought to do and not do it...and so I confess, I sinned against the Lord and against my church family that Sunday. Who knows who was in the service that Sunday that maybe needed to hear what I so desperately wanted to share.
Fear.


This time, in Honduras, I felt that He wanted me to share it again...
That Sunday came and I clammed up again!  I was the first in line to talk and kept my testimony of how I came to know the Lord very brief..maybe two sentences. .However when Wed. rolled around and we were called upon to share in more detail, I shared the testimony of how He healed me when I was but a little child...I didn't share all the details,  but the fact is Jesus healed me and He deserves the glory for it!
But the story of my healing will follow on another day!

 

The journey to Honduras

It all began on a cruise for our 15th Wedding Anniversary in 2010.  One of the ports we stopped at was Roatan Honduras. We didn't book any excursions here. There was a beautiful beach we could relax at, but since we were stopped for a few hours  we decided to go on a tour. It didn't take long to find a driver who was willing to show us around. At first we were a little alarmed as the drive knew little if any English. Within a few minutes though he pulled over on the side of the road and picked up a young boy, who couldn't have been more than 12 years old. He spoke fluent English, and would be our guide for the drive.  We wondered why he would not be in school. He told he had this job during the day to help provide for his family; (a mom and sisters) and he went to school in the evening.

Nothing could have prepared me that day for the sites I saw. The tin shacks that people lived in,  little flimsy make shift houses smaller than our shed at home.I remember seeing the dirt floors through open doors, children running around barefoot, playing with garbage, people wandering around with buckets on their heads. So much poverty, people living with so little.
My heart broke for the moms of those children. I knew they wanted more for them, a better life..but where could they escape too? How could they change the future of their children, give them more than the nothing that they had? And the children? Did they have a hope for the future when that is the only life they knew?
I remember standing at a lookout point overlooking the valley below. Its beauty took my breath away. I remember saying to Dale " We have to come back here. I want to do a missions trip to Honduras some day"
 It broke my heart and throughout that tour, I cried. Cried for the needy, the lost, the people living without hope. The people of Honduras.



Meeting the Lundrigan's
One of the highlights of each summer is Braeside camp. This time we were not renting a cottage there. We did drive down for the evening, which just happened to be a missions service. Severel missionaries were there that night, with tables set up outside the church with various goods from the countries they were missionaries in.


One table in particular caught my eye as it held these beautiful hand made purses. If you know me, you know how much I love that sort of thing. When I stopped for a closer look, I saw they were from Honduras! The missionaries were Randy and Judy Lundrigan.


I don't remember if I introduced myself or not but I did mention how I had wanted to go there for so long! I took my seat in the sanctuary so excited to have some sort of connection to the land that was still on my heart. I told Dale who I had met and that I still wanted to do some sort of missions trip there and he said it was possible. Hope sprang a new at the thought that it could actually come to pass.


A short while later I looked them up on facebook and sent a message to Judy about a possible missions trip for our church. Then through severel emails back and forth between her and my husband a plan was made.

Proverbs 3:6
Seek His will in all you do and He will show you the path to take.






.