Everything is changing

Today I feel like I am coming undone. I need to step back and take a deep breath and pray. My emotions are getting the best of me I think.
Changes are happening and they are happening fast.

I was feeling frustrated this morning with the little daycare girl who refused to listen. Heading to the park, she would not sit in the wagon. Instead she sat on the outside edge of the wagon. If she happened to lean back, she would fall to the ground and be hurt. I repeatedly put her back in the wagon.
At one time I looked behind me and she was doing some sort of yoga like pose. Her little right food and right arm on the floor of the wagon and her left arm and leg extended high in the air....while I am pulling the wagon! I wanted to pull my hair out but she thought it was great fun.
Then when we arrived back at the house and it was time to put her on the potty, I discovered that she messed her pants. My goodness. I could have cried! Oh how she tried my patience today!

But, you know what?  Even though sometimes the kids have bad days, ( who of us does not!) days where they don't listen or do the opposite of what you want, I am going to miss them. Each and every one.
I spend five days a week with them and the good times far out weigh the days where I can't wait for them to go home and the day to be over.
They are hilarious and make me laugh, and smile. I love watching them change and grow, try new things and accomplish them. They love to do crafts and show them off to their mommies. They all have a place in my heart.

I was taking apart the play house today and was flooded with memories of when we bought that cute house and how much the children have enjoyed playing in it. Now it sits in pieces in my basement ready to go to a new home where I am sure the kids there will enjoy it just as much,

Little by little our home is emptying out as we sell and clear out our home even more.
We have to be out the end of June as after listing it on Kijiji and being inundated with calls...we rented it out for the first of July.  I am finished with my home based daycare on June 27.

As of July 1st we will be living in Kitchener. We have a three bedroom apt we will be staying in until we leave for Honduras. Our goal is July 25th.

Reality is hitting home. We really don't have a lot of time left. Yet when I look around my house I see so much that needs to be done and taken care of. I would be lying if I said that it didn't stress me out a little.

There are goodbyes that I don't want to happen.
Family...that goes without saying. They will no longer be a half hour drive away.
The daycare kids, my friend Kathy that comes over once a week for coffee and prayer, Katherine who I text or talk to several times a week, my Tuesday nights with Deana, Grace...all of our walks over the past five years, my neighbours, my wonderful church family, and my sweet fur babies. But I know that final coffee, final text message, final walk around the neighbourhood will happen...it's only a matter of time now that we have to say "Goodbye"

Just the other day Elisa was crying at the thought of not seeing her friends anymore. She got off the phone with Caelyn and said through her tears "Mommy, I am going to miss her so much. I am never going to get to hang out with her or go to the mall with her. I am not going to see her anymore"
It broke my heart to hear her raw emotions.

In the month ahead, I know that all of us are going to have days where we are sad, days where we will fly off the handle (me!) There will be days where we feel frustrated, sad, angry, disappointed and  discouraged or stressed. At the same time excited and a bit scared! There will be days where we feel our emotions swirling around inside as we turn the page and begin a new chapter.

A month or ago so I read this in my devotional.
"No desire will ever be placed in you by the Holy Spirit unless he intends to fulfill it. So let your faith rise up and soar away to claim all the land you can discover" S.A. Keen.

See, God hasn't brought us this far to leave us! He is still in control and He will be with us each step of the way. Of that I have no doubt.
Even though we may be dealing with different emotions...it doesn't change the fact that Honduras is exactly where we are meant to be. All of us are on the same page with that. We still are very much excited to go!

Gen 13:14-15
Lift up your eyes from where you are and look to the north, the south, the east and west. All the land you see I will give to you.

 

 

Decluttering

Reality hit close to home this past Friday. Furniture that we bought when we purchased our first home over fifteen years ago sat in a trailer on the back of our van and we hauled it off to the dump.
It took two trips. Some of it was junk that had piled up in the shed forgotten about...like an old  rusty swing set that our kids long ago stopped playing on.

In one way I was kind of relieved to see it all go. Over the years the cats have destroyed the furniture. Shredded to pieces and stuffing popping out everywhere; none of it was fit to donate to anyone. Not to mention the fact that the animals had also peed on it. Nasty.

It's amazing how much "stuff" can accumulate over the years. I have always been one to go through my clothes and donate items I no longer want or need on a regular basis. In fact it has often happened where I have gone to wear something and realized I had given it away!  On the other hand I love shopping for clothes, so also replaced what I gave away! It's a never ending cycle. I eventually came up with a system though; that if I bought a new shirt or pair of jeans, I gave away one already in my closet. So basically one in...one out!  However once again, I found myself going through my clothes and getting rid of what I won't need or use in Honduras. I mean really how many flannel pj bottoms will I possibly need?

My children are doing the same thing as I write this.  Their rooms have never been so spotless.
We now have about six boxes of stuff by our front door to be donated to a charity that is coming by tomorrow and we aren't finished yet!
We are also selling some things and using that money towards our journey.

Things here at Stratford are quickly coming to an end. It's sad to be wrapping things up. We are going to miss our church family and friends so much and it's going to be painful to say goodbye. Stratford has been amazing, and we have so many wonderful memories here.
We now have an end date.  June 23rd will be our last Sunday at Bethel Church. It was announced this morning. That's only eight more Sundays! A lot of tears are going to be shed that day.  Hopefully we can hold ourselves together. It really is bitter sweet...sad to be leaving but at the same time excited and anticipating what lies ahead.

Please pray for us that we are able to raise the financial support we need to get on the field the end of July.  That is our goal. This way our children can begin school in August when it starts. We have had many promises but until our sending agency actually sees it in the account...we can't go. There has to be proof that the money is there or that it will be. The last thing we want is to get there and have to come home for lack of funds..
If you would like to be a part of our support team, that would be so appreciated.  No amount is too small, and every amount helps us get there and helps with the work we will be doing in the Schools of hope, and will be investing in the lives of over 1500 children.

Blessings!

http://paoc.org/donate?mID=488

The diagnosis

I was 21 years old when I was diagnosed; when I learned the truth. IT now had a name. There was nothing that could change it. Things were not going to improve. In fact over time it would increasingly get worse. There was no cure- nothing they could do to stop it. It's course unpredictable.
Neurofibromatosis.

The news penetrated my heart. It devastated me. I remember crying in the car on the way home. I felt hideous. I was a freak; a monster. My self esteem hit an all time low.
It didn't help matters any when a good friend after I shared with her my results commented " I hope you never plan on having kids" She went on to tell me that that child would have a fifty percent chance of having it too.
And I knew that. I definitely didn't need the reminder. I also knew how badly I wanted a family. Her careless words crushed me.

I remember also thinking that no one would ever want me; not with this horrible NF.
Countless times I would pray and ask the Lord "why?"
At church whenever they called people to the front for prayer for those who wanted to be healed, I would go forward to the front. I knew and believed He could heal me. Yet, I would walk away. Unchanged. Discouraged.

That was a long time ago. Over twenty years have passed. Half a life time ago.
Over the years it has progressed somewhat. From time to time I still struggle with the insecurity because of it. Once in a while it gets me down. I wish it would go away and that there would be a cure.
However, I think for the most part my outlook has changed. I may have NF but it does not have me!
It doesn't keep me from loving life! I would love to be free from it.....but I have to believe that there is a reason for it. I may never know that reason this side of heaven. I do know though that I will have my healing there for sure!

When I am feeling down about it I am always reminded of the verse that says "My grace is sufficient" It's like God whispers these words to my heart; and I know they are true.
2 Corinthians 12:8, 9a
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time He said "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

All of us will face trials.  It's a part of life. None of can go through life unscathed, not touched by some sort of tragedy or illness, disappointments or hard times. I don't know the reason for them or why they are allowed, but I do know this...
We don't have to face them alone. Jesus never fails. He never leaves us or abandons us. He is our safe place; our shelter.  No matter where we go or what we go through, what mountains we have to climb, we can trust our lives to Him. He loves us unconditionally and everlasting.

I have shared this verse before but it is a favorite of mine.
Lam 3:22
The faithful love of the Lord NEVER ends! His mercies NEVER cease. Great is His faithfulness. His mercies begin afresh each morning.

I have seen His faithfulness in different areas of my life over the years. To name a few.. I was healed from epilepsy at 6 years old. God brought me through a ten year long battle with an eating disorder, he healed my Dad from cancer.
I did get married to an amazing man, and while we were not able to have kids of our own, He blessed us more than abundantly with three kids through adoption!
Now He has on this journey to Honduras, and He is doing a work in all of us to prepare us to go. He is with us each step of the way!

http://youtu.be/R4qPceadBMU

Easter Miracle

Yesterday, on Resurrection Sunday; the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the dead, the empty grave.... all three of my children were baptized. What an amazing beautiful time. I had a difficult time containing myself from becoming undone. In listening to their testimonies or stories as to why they wanted to be baptized, I wanted to weep with tears of joy.

I was remembering a year ago and knowing that this moment would not have been possible then...least of all our oldest. A year ago he had been headed down a dark path far from God. Back then it seemed that each week he stepped one step closer to the plans that the enemy Satan had for him. I believe that while Jeremiah 29:11 tells us all the plans God has for us that are good plans for hope and a future...that Satan has his plans too and they are the opposite of what God wants for us...plans to destroy us.

Jacob was stepping deeper into the things of the world, deeper into darkness; drugs, alcohol, porn. We had even made a trip to the police station one time and he was given a strong warning and some community service in lieu of having a record. All of this before he was fourteen years old.

Now...wow. I am overwhelmed at the goodness of God.
He is so faithful. Our prayers for Jake were answered..miraculously. And believe me, we tried it all. Nothing helped. It seemed so incredibly hopeless . There were times when I would cry out to God in despair and ask Him "How long God? How far does he have to fall?" Many, many people were praying for that boy.

There is a verse that God gave me when were going through so much with him that I clung to during those dark times.
Ezekiel 34:16a
I will search for my lost ones who have strayed away, and I will bring them safely home again. I will bandage the injured and strenghten the weak.

Now Jacob was in the baptismal tank and who knows what God has in store for him? I know he will be a mighty man of God. Perhaps he will be a worship leader or a youth pastor ..whatever it is, it's going to be huge!

Our middle child Benjamin did not want to go to Honduras when we first announced our plans. He was pretty adamant about that too. He became sullen about it when we talked about it and was not his usual bouncing off the walls, energetic and happy self.
Most people will remember his change of heart back in September. To see him taking yet another step in his relationship with Jesus, makes this Momma's heart want to sing and dance. I can't wait to see how God uses him in Honduras. Even though there will be no snow in Honduras; Ben can't wait to go. He is going to be awesome there!

Elisa..what can I say? She has been asking to be baptized for a while now. She loves Jesus with all her heart. She has a sensitive spirit and compasssion for others. Just yesterday we were watching an incredibly sad movie called the Life of Pi and it sent her crying and sobbing to her room. She can't stand to see people or animals treated unjustly. It isn't hard to understand why in school she received and A in drama. She is very expressive! She is going to be amazing in Honduras; especially with the children. I know she is going to shower them with love.  Those kids will never be the same..neither will she!

It was an amazing Easter. I am content and at rest...yesterday was yet another step closer to Honduras!

Home is where the heart is

We knew that God had called us to the country of Honduras.
Our kids were all on board excited to go to a country they had only heard about.
We decided to see if we could take them on a fact finding trip to see it and experience it for themselves before the final move. 
Dale, the amazing deal finder found us a great price on tickets and we paid for it from our own personal savings.

It was absolutely incredible seeing the way each of my children fit in down there. My heart was full and bursting with joy as I just stood back and watched them hug and play soccer and tag with children who spoke another language.  They loved these kids and loved playing with them.
I watched them in ministry with Dale with the Bible lesson, game and puppet show. I saw my kids become alive.

My son Ben told me at the one school that he didn't want to go to a private school, he wanted to go to this one; run down, dirty and in an area run by gangs, that is not exactly "safe"
He just wanted to be with these kids. " I love it here" he told me.
He also made a very wise observation, that "Poor people are more joyful because they don't have as many distractions."  It's so true.

Over there our children were excited to be there.  They loved every moment and at times as frustrating as it was for Dale and myself....they were way over the top excited. I don't know if I have ever seen them so happy and content.

We attended an English speaking church on Sunday afternoon called CCI . Each of the our kids made new friends with the other MK's there. ( missionary kids) They want to go to that church when we move.

I cannot tell you what a comfort it is to know that beyond a shadow of a doubt that they WILL be ok there. It may take some time to adjust but they will be just fine. They know that God has called them too to Honduras.
Seeing their excitement and joy; seeing them come alive around the children in the Schools of Hope; the fact that they all said they cannot wait to move to Honduras is only further confirmation that is exactly where God wants us to be.

When our nine days were over, none of us wanted to come back. We all felt a sense of belonging that this land; Honduras was home.
We knew we had to return though to continue to raise our support to go...but our hearts remain in Honduras.

The morning of our departure we had our usual devotions together and Judy read from Joshua 1.

Joshua 1:9... This is my command- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

So, we know that whether we are here in Stratford finishing up the work that is to be done still here or in Tegucigalpa...that he is always with us! He is never going to leave us or forsake us.

Ps 16:8 I know the Lord is always with me.  I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

H.U.G.S. from Canada

When we set foot in Honduras, we had with us 7 hockey bags, loaded to the max with our belongings and items to store there for when we move. Two of those hockey bags were crammed full of underwear to give away to the children in one of the schools.

It is such a common thing, something so basic that here in Canada we don't give it a second thought.  But in Honduras, in the areas were poverty runs rampant, that is not the case. It is surprising how many children actually do not wear underpants.  Most likely on their meager wages cannot afford it.

When we found out there was a need we got the word out there about wanting to do an underwear blitz.  My mother in law got the ball rolling with her church's ladies group and they alone collected about 150 packages.  The response was overall incredible. People even mailed us cheques from Ontario to B.C. to help contribute.  Since we noticed most people were donated girls underwear we used the cheques to purchase boys underwear, as it would be not be fair or ethical to give to the girls and have nothing for the boys.  They would have been so disappointed and heart broken.

Previously before we left for Honduras, I had gone through all the underwear--dividing it into bags according to boy/girl and according to size.
The night before the great Honduran Underwear Giveaway we counted each of those bags out as to exactly how many we would need per class. Every person would get the same amount. As you know packages of underpants range any where from two pairs to nine.  At first we were packaging up three pairs per child, but we had nothing for the group of boys in grade 4. That would mean that the grade 4 girls would also have to go without. You cannot give to one and not the other in the same class, so no one in grade 4 would be receiving any.
As a solution we went through the Grade 3 and Grade 5 bags of boys and re packaged them into
packs of two each, taking the extra one from each bag and putting it aside for the Grade 4's. Miraculously there was exactly enough.  A huge sigh of relief!
I was reminded of a miracle in the bible where Jesus fed the tired and hungry crowd of five thousand on a young boys lunch. There was more than enough. He is so faithful!

The reaction from the kids when they received their gift of underpants was incredible. Something so simple brought so much joy to these children. Their faces lit up with happiness. One class was so excited they whooped and cheered and tossed their underwear up in the air.

Some of the girls in fourth grade were giggling as they received theirs, quickly hiding it under their desk as though they were embarrassed. It was the sweetest thing!
Their smiles said it all. So thankful. So grateful. So happy.

The amazing thing was how the underwear multiplied, especially with the boys where we honestly did not have enough to go around. In the end we had more than plenty. We had enough to go around again and give each and every boy and girl and additional pair of underwear. Not only that but there was underwear left over for Randy and Judy to distribute to their discretion. They know the families were the need is the greatest.

As the children were leaving to go home, one small girl who was perhaps 6 or 7 grabbed my arm and
said in clear English, "Thank you very much!" Her beautiful face shone with happiness.

So we too say Thank you Canada for giving and making this all possible...and giving the children a HUG from Canada!

 siao

Project Underwear

In about three weeks we are taking our children on an exploratory trip to Honduras.
Thanks to Dale who was able to find tickets for a great price. He is a great deal finder!
It is important to us that you know this is not coming out of our missions budget or from the pockets of those who are supporting us in actually moving to the field.
We paid for it ourselves.
We want the kids to experience life in Honduras before we go to the field; meet the children in the schools we will be working in and ministering to, visit potential schools that they themselves will attend and just see a bit of the country where they will be living.  All three of them are pumped about this upcoming trip and are counting down the days.

During the Christmas break we met up with the Lundrigan's at a Tim Horton's in St. Catherines. Most of you know this, but they are the couple with whom we will be working in Honduras. They were home over Christmas and we wanted to get together to visit and catch up. It was so great to see them again and re connect.
Since we had people asking us  what they can donate for us to bring down, we asked Randy and Judy and Judy's reply surprised me. "Underwear"
Many of the children there do not wear underwear under their clothes simply because they do not have them.
Can you imagine? A child eight or nine or even older never owning a pair of underwear, something here in Canada that is a basic need. That would be unheard of  here.

Since finding out about this need for underwear, my mother in law started a project with her church's woman's group. They are collecting new underwear and we in turn will take it down with us when we go in Feb. They are collecting for little girls, but it is also the school boys that need underwear as well.
Also, there is a Zehrs in Kitchener that found out about this project and they have donated between 25-30 packages!  Wow!
The ladies in her church are so excited about the great response. It's funny to see them oohing and awing over underwear!
It's something so simple and basic but it will be huge blessing to those kids!

If you are interested in helping with the "underwear project" and you live in the Stratford or Kitchener area, donations can be dropped off at Kitchener Gospel Temple with a note that it's for the Ladies Ministry or if in Stratford you can drop them off at our house or Bethel Church.
Right now I would suggest checking out the sales at Zellers since they are closing their doors for good in a few days..it would be a good time to stock up and donate to the children of Honduras!

I am not entirely sure how we will go about handing them out to the kids, but I am looking forward to seeing the beautiful smiles on their faces!